National Poetry Writing Month, day 2

Prompt: Write a platonic-love poem, not necessarily about platonic love with another person.

Warning: Liberal use, even for a liberal, of the F-word and variants. Vulgarity abounds. You can’t say Vulgarity without Gair, I’m afraid.

Grateful acknowledgment to Dorothy Parker, for a reason detailed in the Afterword.

I Fucking Love Clay

The Clay is so reliable,
Manipulable/pliable,
And so I wish to sing a versed hosanna.

Because…

It’s transfinitely variable,
Nigh Curly Joe/Moe/Larryable,
The mother of all forms: a sweet Madonna.

But…

It’s muscled as a trucker,
A Bad-Ass Motherfucker,
And does my heavy lifting with no sweat.

And…

It’s Totem-Pole-Esque stackable,
Fine-Grained or Off-the-Rackable,
And Glazable As Fuck as you can get.

So…

I LOVE it unreservedly,
Wins Loyalty deservedly,
And throwing on The Wheel sure keeps me centered.

Plus…

It’s won me recognitions,
And one or two commissions,
In juried art shows that I’ve erstly entered.

Still…

My Clay-Love is Platonic,
Though I wax unlaconic,
IFLC, as I hope you now see.

So…

I’ve no Portnoy’s Complaint,
And exercise restraint:
IFLC, not LFC–not me!!

Afterword: This is a Punchline poem, and I owe Dorothy Parker the punchline. Legend has it that she was on her honeymoon when an impatient producer messaged her that he wanted her promised script, pronto. Her prompt six-word reply was “Too Fucking Busy, and Vice Versa.” Thus, I Fucking Love Clay, but I don’t Love Fucking Clay. I really DID want to Push the Platonic Envelope, though. And though I’m sure I’ve offended a few of my friends with this, I own my ribald, vulgar side, inherited by my grandfather via my mother. (My father could be vulgar but in the presence of his Aunt Zilpha he was quite the tight-ass.)

As for Portnoy’s Complaint, which I read and howled over as a teenager, Portnoy confessed to his psychiatrist that the worst thing he had ever done was to use the liver destined for his family’s dinner to satisfy his adolescent lust, violating it behind a billboard. I would never do that with any clay, even porcelain.