Other Uses for Socks

“You see, they get holes in them.” Albert Einstein, explaining why he never wore socks

If everyone stopped wearing socks and yet sockmakers maintained manufacture

One way to put them to use would be to sew bunches of them into throw-pillow-like gizmos that would follow fall-prone people around using Roomba technology, so that when the person fell it would zip under them, thereby preventing bruise and fracture.

We could also make everything from handguns to cannons that were designed based on T-Shirt-Cannon technology to harmlessly and via compressed air fire projectiles made out of socks that are soft and fluffy,

And then melt down or otherwise repurpose all ordnance capable of killing people, and when the gun nuts go ballistic so to speak say Hey, reread the Second Amendment, which gives you the right to bear arms but never breathes a word about what KIND of arms, have a free Sock-Shooter and stop being huffy.

With enough socks you can make a megacushion that would unsplat your landing even if you fell off a steeple,

You could make car-muffler cozies that shut off the car engine if the muffler noise exceeded 60 decibels, protecting pedestrian hearing and ticking off the loud-car people;

And I am no inventor but give funding to anyone willing to follow the mandate of using socks to make the world more benign

And soon all would turn warm and fuzzy and truly fine.

Afterword: Fans of the late, great Ogden Nash will recognize my attempt to adopt his style. His whimsical poetry truly made the world a more warm and fuzzy place. How I miss him!