thicket control

sorry if this disgusts

but many of us oldsters suffer

from undesired nasal cobwebs

and must either take tiny sharp scissors and carefully snip

(without a surgeon’s skill there will be pokery sufficient to induce tears)

or tweeze with tweezers

(yanking a subsector at a time. by the time you get that elusive last hair the tears are streaming)

or wax

(unsightly, unpleasant nose-pluggage with brown gunk on a popsicle stick)

or hands-only pinch and pull

(ineffective, painful or both)

.

so you look for that magical buzzwand device that is like a gentle weed-whacker and find one for only seven bucks and it works great for about a week and then doesn’t work worth a damn no matter how diligently you dig around up there and you think changing the battery might help but no

so you say the hell with it let nature take its course and before you know it you look like bruce dern in that movie where he was a cranky old man with seeming miniaturized tumbleweeds up his nose

and you keep your head down but then someone says chin up and you think ok dude you asked for it and your victim gasps and averts their eyes and then everyone else at work averts their eyes

and suddenly you are the quasimodo of the workplace

.

today I bought batteries for my new $24.99 grooming kit

here’s hoping that in 2025 the nosehair-removal state of the art has advanced

or they find a cure for senescent follicular misadventure

ps

“up your nose with a rubber hose” doesn’t work either