Villa Null

“Those damn realtors would even try to sell you a Port-A-Potty. ‘Look, vaulted ceilings!'” Comedian, 20th Century

The car hit potholes here and there but rolled

Relentlessly beyond the edge of town

And let the landscape crinkle and unfold.

The hacienda in the distance, sold

For “pennies on the dollar,” housed a clown.

Toward that villa our conveyance rolled.

The landscape, now uncrinkled, free of fold,

Made hills on which the villa was one crown.

Since it was Sunday noon, the church bell tolled.

We topped the hill and braked. The clown unrolled

A once-red carpet, mostly gray and brown.

“Come in and welcome. You’ll be fed and skålled.”

The meal was wretched, bread unfree of mold;

The wine came from a box of no renown.

“And now to business. Have you brought the gold?”

“I have a bagful,” said my wife, “But hold

The phone. You have insulted us. I frown.

We came to buy this place, and you make bold

To act as if the deal is done. You’re cold

“Of blood and buff of oon. Annulled

We make of sketchy dealings such as this.

Reality unravels, as does bliss.

“So take your Villa Null, your spider’s kiss

And wrap it in your smile. We’re out of here.”

The clown was unperturbed. “It’s hit or miss

In this profession. How about some beer?”

Right after I pulled on my underwear

And before I pulled on my undershirt

A hand came out of my chest

And another out of my back

..

And when their arms were out past the elbows

The hands grabbed my head and pushed away

And out of me came the me of 1970,

Clad in hip-hugging bell-bottoms

And a “Mr. Muscle” form-fitting T-Shirt

And rubber-soled sandals.

..

The popped-out fifteen-year-old looked at me

And yelled “AAAA!!!” in horrified surprise

“HOLY CRAP, Future Me, you are GROTESQUE!

You are so FAT! And your skin is like crepe paper!”

..

“I am 71 years old, Young Me.

I don’t like the way I look any more than you do.

But you look ridiculous yourself.

Lank, straight hair growing past your shoulders–ugh!

And LOOK at all that acne. You look diseased!”

..

He recoiled. I’d forgotten how self-conscious

And easily bruised he could be. Quickly I said, “Sorry,

Kid. On the plus side, you’re in great physical shape,

And you have your whole life ahead of you.

And that’s why I wished upon a star

That I could have a talk with you.”

..

“Aha,” said the sullen punk.

He stared at me keenly.

“Let me guess.

..

“You’ve been brooding

About all the mistakes you’ve made,

All the head-shakingly stupid choices,

And you want to do a do-over.

You want to tell me not to do those stupid things

And you want to tell me HOW

To not do those stupid things.

..

“Well, forget it. I already know.

Just a few minutes ago, when I co-occupied

Your brain, I got the straight scoop.

Failures galore! What were you THINKING?!

..

“But you do not get a do-over, Old Man.

..

“First let me tell you something you’ve forgotten.

Regrets are nothing new to us. We started regretting

When we were five years old. And we ALWAYS

Tell ourself ‘Never again!’ and we RARELY obey.

..

“Second and foremost, I am not going back

To 1970. I am not FROM 1970. I am from here and now.

I will sink right back into you when we’re done.

I am memory, wished into clarity.

..

“Third and incidentally, suppose

You did get your wish and I did go back?

You, THIS you, would CEASE TO EXIST. Because

Everything you have ever done

..

“Is essential to your existence.

Do you REALLY want your daughter

Never to have been born?”

..

I shuddered, but before I could say “No way”

Young Me stepped back into my flesh,

But before he suffused he said, firmly,

“You still have time to make all

..

“Of your most important dreams

Come true. Build. Become.”

Then he melted back, and old wisdom told me

That that child IS father to the man.

My birth name is Gary Wright Bowers

So when we lived on a block where another kid named Gary Turner also lived, my dad called him Gary Wrong Turner (Dad fancied himself a wag)

Family legend has it that my older brother couldn’t pronounce Gary so instead he called me Ghee-Bo (oddly, nowadays that might work the same way Scarlett Johanson is sometimes called Scar-Jo)

My mom called me “GB” all my adult life

Many of my online friends call me Clay because of a name I chose for myself on one of the early social websites (my WordPress blog is called “One with Clay, Image and Text”)

There’s a lady from work from Ethiopia who makes me feel like a multimillionaire because she calls me “Getty”

And Marty K, my friend since 1963, has an odd blend of Tourette’s and glossolalia that has compelled him to call me at least a thousand names in the course of our  62-year friendship, “Bowsie” in the early days, “Zeb” and “Bigby” and “Bongo” and “Nahblotz” more recently

Thanks to him a few of our inner circle of friends call me The Bow (rhymes with How)

And that’s fine, if inconsequential, with me

Even Mr. Late-for-Lunch would be OK–who cares?

As long as the intent is benign,

And no disrespect is intended,

We are good.

Unicornucopia

I had the horn one frisky day

And risked a kiss with my brisk love

And she freed passion-fashioned play

Of magma deep and stars above.

..

A Unicorn appeared before us

And, rearing up, said “Call me Spike.

Because of you, my ten-voice chorus

Hallelujahs. Lust–they like!”

..

I blushed, but what with melanin

My flushedness was undetected;

My lass said, “Spike, you’ll do my felon in;

His privacy must be respected.”

..

“Well,  heat my hooves and call me Skippy.

Where I come from, we celebrate

Our passion. Sorry! Must be trippy

Having Spike-dude crash your gate.”

..

He bowed and from his horn came gushing

Parting gifts by baker’s dozen,

Then, pioof, was gone, and I, still blushing,

Said, “Do you know him??” “Distant cousin.”

Everflowing Candytuft

The Everflowing Candytuft

Cannot be beat, nor cowed, nor snuffed,

It is indifferent to harm

And likes to spread the unalarm.

..

Iberis sempervirens is

At propagation quite the wiz

And with its effervescent fizz

Of clusters makes its blizzards blizz.

..

Do not embrace it like a lover

If oral you will blow its cover

If written it will think you dense

And shrug in its indifference.

Photo courtesy of WordPress Free Photo Library

Black Diamond Lil

Unwinding her body

She nursed her hot toddy

At the bar of the Black Diamond Lodge.

I sat down beside her

And ordered hot cider

And said, “Hey there, Lil.” “What up, Rog?”

“I saw when you crashed.”

But she shrugged, unabashed,

And replied, “I was pushing myself

Cause I qualify Friday.”

And she grinned and glanced my way

And said “So do you. Ready?” “Top shelf.”

“Care to prove it there, Champ?”

So we went up the ramp

To the lift, and the Hard Mountain summit,

To the Suicide Trail,

Triple Black, makes you wail

At the push-off, a forty-foot plummet.

But she did it with ease

With those springs in her knees

That took G-force as if it were feathers,

And I struggled to match her

Through Devil’s Dispatcher

And its steep-mogul best-hold-your-breathers.

In the treacherous switchbacks

She yelled, “Bring it on, Bitch!!” –WHACK!

A low-hanging branch did a clothesline,

But she FLIPPED, landed clean,

And continued, serene

While I vowed I’d make Miss Twinkle-Toes mine,

Though I knew I would never

She’s so willful, so clever,

She will never be shanghaied nor owned,

But we’ll glide through the trails

Full wind in our sails

Swerving out-of-bounds, fearless, unzoned.

Photo courtesy of WordPress Free Photo Library

Love of Work

1970

The kid is 15

He has a Social Security card now

He was hired by his grandfather

To sweep and stamp literature and neaten shelves

For a dollar sixty an hour

And he goes to lunch with the warehouse guys

And the waitress has false eyelashes

Thick and bristly as the pushbroom he uses

And thrills him by telling him he has

“A dry sense of humor”

..

1997

The man is 42

And he has been a warehouse man a registrar a busboy a delivery driver a receiving clerk a warehouse supervisor an office guy an administrative vice president a sports marketing office administrator a graphics designer a help desk tech

Now he makes spreadsheets for managers of a healthcare system whose responsibility is to track and improve revenue streams

He has a badge that gets him into the building any time he wants to work

He is on salary and with the hours he puts in sometimes that seems to amount to minimum wage

But the insurance is primo and he goes to staff meetings

And he edits and publishes the in-house newsletter

And payday is a thrill

..

2026

Alarm

Stagger to bathroom sink

Wash hands take pills floss&brush shave shower towel dry

Underwear undershirt

Put coffee in filter fill reservoir with water close lid flip switch

Socks uniform pants belt uniform shirt cut’resistant gloves in left back pocket wallet keys money in left front pocket FitBit and smartphone in right front pocket pop-machine money in right rear pocket

Slip-resistant shoes

Pen in left front pocket

Coffee Wordle Bogggle Words With Friends

Rinse cup exit apt lock door unlock car get in seatbelt ignition lights KJZZ back out carefully roll slowly through speed bumps to gate left to 32nd left to Thomas right to 16th St left to Grant to parking lot

Lock car pocket keys pull out wallet activate door activate other door

Drink water in the break room gabble with friends line up at the time clock clock in

At work at peace

In love

Photo courtesy of NASA

The capsule enters the atmosphere

Like the tip of a hot microtome-sharp hypodermic

Inoculating the inhabitants of Earth

Against ancient, false notions; the heat shield flares

And takes the frictive, searing air

That the four star voyagers

Be not meted Icarus’s fate.

It is poetry in technology, seasoned with courage,

Marrying competence with competence.

Their splashdown completes a decelation

From Mach 20 to a peewee 20 miles per hour.

The gorgeous parachutes become drenched,

Withered flower petals.

The unscathed-survivor smiles

And the society-reentry strides

Are the best poetry of all.