the squishiness of ugly tomatoes, and vice versa

July 5, 2025
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we are in the twilight of manual labor

and the work i do slicing tomatoes will dry up sooner or later.

but till it does I put on six gloves–

vinyl, cut-resistant mesh, vinyl–

and with my left three-gloved hand I pluck a well-washed tomato from a container,

place it stem-orificed down on the runway of the nonmotorized tomato slicer,

and with my elbow tucked in, in the manner of a boxer delivering a body blow to an opponent, ram the tomato through a parallel set of blades remindful of open venetian blinds,

while my right hand waits on the other side of the blades

to catch the freshly subdivided tomato.

that’s the plan, anyway. in a perfect world with ripe yet firm tomatoes and a slicer with new blades, it is a lovely process.

today was unlovely.

all tomatoes are not created equal. most in a case i was slicing were overripe. more than one of this batch also had skins cut-resistant enough so that the imposed pressure of blades-ramming caused a rupture, jamming the tomato in the blades and spraying juice and seeds.

one tomato had the temerity to spit in my eye.

halfway through my shift i changed aprons, the sprayscape looking like something done on canvas by one of the lesser abstract impressionists.

i finished my shift, drove home, and shed tomato-redolent clothing, but would not be surprised if my hair retained some of the plant-based fragrance, even though I wear a bouffant hair net on the job.

but it is honest work…declaims the Tomatoman.

the stars and stripes forsaken

July 4, 2025
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some Republican lawmakers were gloaty yesterday

they thought they had won

because what they called “the big, beautiful bill” got shoehorned into american history

.

they failed to realize that what they won

was future ignominy

shame

scorn

.

they voted against we the majority of people

and they voted for the tawdry gimmegimmegimme of those who think having more than they could possibly spend in five lifetimes entitles them to more

they have trampled on the flag that represents liberty and justice for all

and historians will note this

.

The America of Liberty and Justice for All IS Beautiful

just as those who have forsaken her are u g l y

National Blow Stuff Up and Pollute the Air Day

July 3, 2025
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Tomorrow a “Big Beautiful Bill” will be signed into law

It will enable parasitic moneybaggers to continue their bloodsucking behavior

It will take food from the mouths of hungry children and elders

It will make the attainment of quality healthcare suddenly nigh-impossible for more than ten million American citizens

And it will provide bonus incentives for mercenary kidnappers

∆∆∆∆∆

Its signing date coincides with the 249th anniversary of the publication of the Declaration of Independence, a date traditionally referred to as Independence Day

And it is generally accompanied by the ignition of all manner of fireworks

The noise makes some dogs trembled or hide or howl

The burnt gunpowder adds tons of Particulate matter into an already-befouled atmosphere

It is a glorification of explosive incandescence

And tomorrow it will be celebrating the full and wretched rekindling of tyranny

∆∆∆∆∆

It’s hard to watch fireworks when your head droops

With grief

A Serious Look at Language, with a Great Deal of Inadvertent Giggling and Smirking, Not to Mention a Hidden Agenda

July 1, 2025
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A Serious Look at Language, with a Great Deal of Inadvertent Giggling and Smirking, etc.

The popular Scrabble-esque game Words With Friends

Permits many F-words,

But will not allow at least one.

Now, DILDO is obviously sexually connotative

But Words with Friends, as demonstrated above,

Allows its use.

I confess I blushed as I used it,

The more so since my opponent had a female name,

And I doubt if I have ever met or talked to her

In real life.

I have a real-life female friend

With whom I play WWF on a daily basis,

And sometimes our use of sexual words,

Though always strategic and never gratuitous,

Seems downright flirty.

The current President of the United States,

After having dropped bombs on faraway Iran

Without Congressional approval,

Dropped an F-Bomb while knowingly in view

Of recording devices, including video,

Because two countries were not doing

What he wanted them to do.

This may result in an increased proliferation

Of F-bombs amongst schoolchildren

For whom POTUS is, if not a role model, an excuse.

There is a book that permits me to call him

And his “Big, Beautiful Bill”

A thief

And his satchel of burglar tools.

The book is my Dictionary.

arb

July 1, 2025
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if you save up nickels in your jarred garage

to sell on a cruise–that, my friend’s, arbitrage

as long as the buyer’s sufficiently dense

as to give you per each in excess of five cents.

.

when acorns reach soil and there find safe harbor

a sapling may soon be enhancing an arbor

and if that safe arbor is somewhere in michigan

could it be an ann arbor arbor? we wish again.

.

a rhubarb’s a colorful stalk or a beef

in baseball when coaches and umps yell their grief

but both may be settled if they chance to try

addition of strawberries: sweet rhubarb pie.

.

the pluck of a syllable from its word-origin

may not be the best vessel to put your porridge in

but sure as my namesake’s a drummer named gary

it makes unchaotic the once…arb-itrary.

***

Life-historical note: I was named after a man my folks picked up hitchhiking in 1954. He had a pair of drumsticks with him and was demonstrating his drummer’s skill zanily in the back seat as he introduced himself as Gary Fromer the Drummer. Mom had a bun in the oven, me, and Mom and Dad found Mr. Fromer so personable and lively that they memorialized their encounter with him by naming me Gary. I later found out that he hung out with Lenny Bruce and also was briefly in a Stan Getz combo.

identical

July 1, 2025
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The bustard’s an exquisite fowl/With minimal reason to growl/He escapes what would be/Illegitimacy/By grace of a fortunate vowel. Winning entry from 10,000 entrants of a limerick contest judged by Isaac Asimov

sixteen pieces in a chess set but for color

and four and four and four and two and two

and sixty-four

and the answers of multiple-choice tests with perfect scores

but it is the near-identical

the not-quite-identical

that gives a field of flowers charm

that enriches speciation

that makes one coin worth a penny

and its near-twin worth a mint

ah mints

junior mints are corpuscular

andes mints are sandwiched planks

and there was a place called Luigi’s on sixteenth Street and Glendale fifty years ago

a delicatessen that sold french mints

and i would get some for my then-sweetheart

because she loved them and i loved her

.

isn’t it startling that a group of vastly different people can have identical names?

isn’t it more startling that you can view a group of vastly different people with identical names within seconds by conducting a search on that name and selecting the Images subset of the search?

or that by changing a t to a d

you change Mint to Mind?

and then ditch the d for an e

and you become Mine.

bwahahahaha!!!

(near-identical to bwajajajaja!!!)

old, saggy, pockmarked love

June 30, 2025
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i am a lonely old man interested in women

but uninterested in seeking the companionship

of women much younger than myself.

i have enjoyed being half of a couple off and on

every decade since the 1970s.

i have twice been involved with women

more than ten years older than i was

but never with anyone more than five years younger.

now my social media feed is bombarded

with friend requests and follow requests and come-see-my-link requests and message-me requests

seemingly from young adult women

seemingly from all over the world.

two guys i know fell for come-hithers

from purported women purporting to be

from the pacific rim. one of the guys ended up

declaring bankruptcy.  haven’t heard from the other guy in more than ten years, but i only knew him slightly.

i am a lonely old man

but sometimes i have been lonely

when I was half of a couple,

and now i am not all that lonely anyway, having some semblance of a social life,

and the doors to companionship sometimes open.

i am eager and hopeful to some day find someone

just as battle-scarred and saggy and unyouthful as i am,

and with just as much indifference to smooth flesh

and unsquawking bones.

i am a lonely old man

but it’s all good,

and sometimes it’s fun,

and sometimes it’s miraculous.

Siding in Plain Height

June 30, 2025
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Two things bullies and predators will do are plead guilty to a lesser charge and hide in plain sight. When, for instance, Donald Trump, who is both a bully and a predator, said “Russia, if you’re listening, please find Hillary’s e-mails,” he was hiding in plain sight. When he calls the rape of the working class and poorer a “Big, Beautiful Bill,” he is also hiding in plain sight. There is a nine-year interval between those two utterings. The diligent will find at least seven other exemplars in the interval.

When Trump supporters say he is “brash” instead of saying “he is a shameless liar,” they are on Trump’s behalf pleading guilty to a lesser charge. When Trump himself attributes his lies and/or stupidity to “sarcasm,” he himself is pleading guilty–or perhaps NOT guilty–to a lesser charge. And when he tears up the deal Obama made with Iran, and years later bombs Iran, he is committing a profound crime against reason, with no apology and no remorse.

Prove me wrong, Trump supporters, if you dare try.