i sit in my underwear and planetary society t-shirt/waiting for my heart to stop signaling/that something is going on in there

this is nothing new/when my brother was still alive more than six years ago/i felt something like this/and reported the feeling in a facebook post/and my classmate jeff/said get to e r that’s the widowmaker/i felt that when i had my heart attack

and my poet friend julie/said where are you i will drive you to the hospital

and so i called brian my brother now deceased/and he drove me to the e r/and they fast-tracked me into a little room/iv’d me up/got an ecg going

and not much later i was on my way home ecg reading normal bp ok cardiologist recommending a ct with contrast and wrote a script and an appointment was made

insurance would not approve that/instead greenlit a nuclear stress test/with result ‘normal’ because heart perfusion ‘normal range’

so in the several times/in the intervening years/i have like now just sat quietly and waited/for the signals to fade to quiet

and now the room is getting dark and no more heartjolting/and it’s first friday and a lot of stuff is going on/and i have missed the poetry event in tempe/missed the shabbat with my friend nadia and her family/but I can still catch the tail end of my sculptor and teacher friend sue’s solo show opening

time to put my pants on

life is fleeting precious and wonderful

The landlines are gone/And the pay phones are too/For our race has moved on/From the Anchorage Zoo

But the thing on our person/Both frees and inhibits/To better and worsen/Our lifestyle exhibits

Our likes are recorded/Our life events shared/No matter how sordid/We end up ensnared

We end up so pounded/By ask and directive/By deluge unbounded/And doomscroll invective

The stress of such pressure/Seems never to cease

Hey, end this indenture

The Off switch

Brings

Peace

dragonrollku

the life dragon bites/but here is your rare chance to/bite the dragon back

californiarollku

california/rolls are scorned by some as too/californian

chalkoutlineku

the sushi chef sees/his enemy and hopes he/wants to try fugu

6 jan 2021/a mob surges toward the Capitol building/where vote certifications are being kept

the mob was urged to “fight like hell”/but the  phrase “peaceably and patriotically” was also in there

violence ensues

the man who urged watches/he does not interfere/though he knows full well/that all he has to do/is get in front of a microphone and say

“Hey, stop with the violence already. What part of ‘peaceably and patriotically’ didn’t you understand?”

no, he continues to watch. continues/to watch./he gets word/that some are chanting HANG MIKE PENCE!/not much later he texts a message.

the message is not “Knock it off, you guys! You are not being peaceable!”/no, the message boils down to “Shame on Mike Pence for not doing right by me!”

and much later he delivers a message via microphone./ part of the message is “Go home.” part is “We love you.”

the concept of “the elephant in the room”/is insufficient for the events/of 6 jan 2021.

many more than one elephant is required.

“Luck is hot and people funny.
Everybody’s fond of money.
Lost a chance and sell your mother.
Win the pot and buy another.
Other people fall and crash:
You could win the pot of cash!”

Cordwainer Smith (Norstrilia)

Candidates are on the Net/With fancy cardboard signs/Help us win! Our goal’s not met!/Please be our Valentines!

I have given till it hurts!/It’s not enough, they say./Sell your houses! Live in yurts!/THEY win, you’ll REALLY pay!

Save the puppies! Save your souls!/Help Joe get his new kidney!/Help Steffy’s face be free of moles?/Fate dealt her trash cards, didn’ he?

I am broke. Fudge it! Alas!/Jumpstart may deliver/Needed funds to save my ass,/I, the Compulsive Giver.

***

Afterword: The asks for money for this and that has grown to epic, epidemic proportions on the Internet. And if you give, you poor sap, they have evidence that you are a soft touch, and they ask you for more and more.

My poor Uncle Jim died near-broke in 1993. On the side of his bed he didn’t sleep on there were huge stacks of correspondence with charitable organizations, some legit, some predatory. My advice to generous souls: Make a budget for charitable contributions AND KEEP IT. (PS: I try, but I can’t, but not by much.)

hair and sky and pearl and cat/eminence and feltoid hat/underwear and spiffy suit/praise the lord and pass the loot

fabrics that have needed bleaching/consciousness that suffers leaching/in a world that’s splashed with hues/colorless relief can’t lose

now cars are also tvs also backseat drivers and scolds also spacecraft with a mission control

and that’s just some of the good news

most of them start with a push of the button and a foot on the brake and some of them even have self-folding side mirrors like the shields of the batmobile

some of them do without the internal combustion engine which is inherently inefficient and evil, instead generating horsepower far more silently and correct with an electric motor

carworld is no longer in need of paper maps

there are cupholders and no windwings

but i still prefer to walk

Lately I make a living as a prep cook for SSP America, a restaurant-management firm. Since May of 2023 I have cut onions, portioned sauces and refried beans and turkey slices and many other foodstuffs, used a paddle to mix 200 pounds’ worth of diced potatoes and oil and salt/pepper mix, assembled spring rolls and enchiladas and burritos and yogurt parfaits, fished chicken wings out of congealed grease, and performed many other production tasks. But since late last year, my main job has been to use a hand slicer to subdivide tomatoes, discard the slices unfit to eat, arrange the edited tomatoes into aluminum steam pans, and seal them for delivery with 24″ plastic film, with a label that includes creation date and use-by date.

Over the months I have gotten better at the subtasks of tomato slicing. Chef Adam Rosewicz himself once complimented me on how “pretty” my finished trays were. And my boss Don Williams has called me “Tomatoman.” I take pride in my workmanship and my dependability. The all-day-long repetition suits my temperament as a former marathoner and semipro potter for whom a three-hour session almost always ends too soon.

And as someone who has worked earnestly on all forms of poetry for more than 17 years, a job that involves mostly muscle memory is a Godsend. My mind is free to play with ideas for poems, with unique phrasing, with the little nagging business of a poem that had been written and posted but wasn’t quite right. The hours pass quickly when I have a good tomato-slicing rhythm going and I keep getting good word-notions. Realizing that Lenticular and Perpendicular rhyme can make my day.

The answer to the question “Tomato-slicing poet, or poetic tomato slicer?” is, of course, both. I am proud to turn the work of my hands into a good income. I am only slightly prouder of being a poet who keeps pushing at, and changing, his limitations.

The heat is a zapper/An energy tapper/And when you’re tapped out little gecko

Your consciousness skids/As you nictitate lids/And blur out the bright and its echo

But a danger will rouse you/A scent will undrowse you/And you’ll make your suckerfeet scamper

And a crevice or crack/Has your pebblestrewn back/And you’re once again one happy camper