On Everything Road someone stuck a giant spoon in me

I was, honestly, bestirred

Extracting the spoon, I gripped it, weaponized it, stirred things up

Waving the spoon through the body of an approaching prostitute, I gave her the face and demeanor of Meryl Streep

She thanked me and said she always wanted to be a Streepwalker

And at the intersection of Everything and Trapezoid Circle

The light turned purple and the pedestrian sign said both DONT WALK and RUN!!

And the cars hopped on their tires instead of rolling

And I hopped too when I tried to walk and was able to bound over the cars like I was jumping over pieces in checkers

People pointed at me and laughed and I looked down and found that I was dressed as a carhop

The light turned mauve and the cars turned to cages with odd creatures inside wearing buttons saying I AM A ZOID

And I thought, Well, that is one way to trap a Zoid

But then all the cages disappeared

And in the middle of the intersection was a gigantic piece of lemon meringue pie

And it looked gloriously delicious and I still wielded my giant spoon

So with one last mega-hop I bounded right into its fluffy center

But as the spoon touched the meringue the harangued meringue changed in color from snow-white to slurpee blue

And the pale-yellow filling turned to hooker’s green

I licked the pie-clumped spoon edge and it still tasted like pie

But something in either the danged meringue or the unwilling filling transformed me into an enormous bullfrog

Still wearing a carhop’s uniform

Except with a cowboy hat with tassels

And the magic spoon disappeared

And I thought, What could be worse??

Then found out I couldn’t hop anymore

So I bullfrog-trudged down Everything Road in my carhop uniform with the long tassels hitting me annoyingly in the face with every trudge and weird-colored giant pie residue all over me

And tried to hop again and couldn’t

And shrugged as best a bullfrog could and said croakingly Well,

At least this story has a moral:

The ultimate absurdity of the Universe

Knows no bounds.