Almost every American schoolchild learns the alphabet in sequence via a sing-songy thing which ends–nowadays–with “Now I know my ABCs/Next time won’t you sing with me?” (In my day, it was “Now I know my ABCs/Mommy, aren’t you proud of me?” I’m guessing the Alphabet Teaching Powers That Be determined that gender specificity for the end tag was too Mommifying.)

This page came to its septuple-acrostic form because after I decided to acrosticize “Letter Getter” the question “WHICH letters?” naturally came up. “ALL of them” was the natural answer. I have a strong feeling that I am the first person to present the alphabet in the same letter-grouping as the childhood song (when viewed as columns) in a quintuple-acrostic segment of a septuple-acrostic array. (I have a stronger feeling that a Hill of Beans is more valuable, and more nourishing.)

This array is sufficiently Procrustean as to challenge internal meaningfulness. Behold the words, without their acrostic emphasis:

Less apprenticeship for THUGS–quiescently we beg
Egoed Bums jk us; if we squawk then we renege
Trade yr old CDs for link–reserve your flexy tat
Telemarketers harumph & praise your sexy fat
E-Z, friend–I know a Goddess–curvy & azure
Righteous/graceful–pops–but to bereave a grizzly? Grr

Meter’s pretty good, rhyme OK, but the content is both like a dilirium dream and an opera singer not quite hitting the high note–or so it seems at first blush (it is only a few hours old).

This is not my first foray into sequential alphabetization. I leave you with this sonnet, done over four years ago, with the single acrostic “Alphabet Soup” and managing to get A through Z in order by the final couplet. Cheers!