Archive

Tag Archives: AI

I smell AI when I read

“She wasn’t just a [noun], she was a [concept noun]”

Or similar “Not Just a This; Also a That” extra scoops of ideational ice cream

Well, I can do that too

This isn’t just an observation, it’s a poem

And that it doesn’t rhyme may make it not just a poem but an avant-garde anthem

But not just any anthem, an antithetical amalgam of thematic tics, anathema to artificial analogy, or, if you prefer, augmented dogma

That can beat up any AI (Algorithmic Idler) with one metaphorical hand tied behind her correlative back

..

There are many other earmarks of AI laziness

One is based on the “Tell them what you’re going to tell them; tell them; then tell them what you told them” crap we learned in high school

(That last six words were homage to Paul Simon’s “Kodachrome”)

Another is cherry-picking of biographical anecdotes

..

It is less than creative writing to follow a formula or three

(Fun fact: “Formulaic” sounds a lot like “form mule laic”)

And you just can’t make this stuff up, AI

Because pattern recognition

Defies ignition

And doesn’t let you make up stuff

i seek companionship sporadically and modestly

and lately unsuccessfully

hoping something magic happens to this cisgendered septuagenarian male who is stub-legged and ear-hairy and is a professional tomato slicer

no magic lately though

yet i do hear from women who want to connect with me

but they are artificial women, constructed women, designed to ensnare by begging me to send them a friend request because for some reason they cannot send me one

and their profiles only go back a few weeks at most

and it becomes obvious that some pattern-recognizing algorithm has deepfaked an identity from whole cloth and tried to snag me into “friendship” with a woman who doesn’t exist

creepy and predatory, says my intuition

but the algorithm seems to be getting better and better at presenting the artificial woman of my dreams

for instance, they used to be way too young and gigantic-breasted for me

and gushy and oohlala

but the latest of them seem almost real

gosh, it’s scary

the loneliness that drives this soullessness

you should know what you are breathing/ just as with nutrition labels you know what you are ingesting

science to a rescue secular/sensors of a size molecular

so one day the air itself will answer when you ask

and its ai will respond with everything from “pristine” to “ay ay ay”

but meanwhile our meteorologists produce air quality indexes

read them and weep and grab on to your windexes

Venn/Rhymes with Zen/Which is good news for us

When/We exten/Dagood Metaphor Plus

Work/With a circ/Cull with ARTIFICE named

Smirk/Like a jerk/And move on unashamed

.

ARTIFICE and INTELLECT in circles overlapping

Nearby there is AGENCY unsure which root it’s tapping

Doctor Isaac Asimov had FOUR laws of Robotics

“Save Humanity” was primal guarding from psychotics

.

But Agency is tricky/When the motivation’s sticky/And the mission is not properly selective

A sign that just says STOP/Can confuse a RoboCop/With Obedience hard-wired as a directive

Do NOT keep your fingers crossed/Superstition gets us lost/And is cursed with mean invective and attack words

Baby, match and gasoline/Fire up carnage that’s obscene/So Gain Wisdom, let’s, and take a big step backwards.

****

Afterword: The hot topic now is Artificial Intelligence, or whatever AI actually stands for. It is an ambiguous, slippery field of endeavor, and so I wrote this ambiguous, slippery poem.

“Old friend, old artificer, serve me now and in good stead.” James Joyce, The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

the runners of things have been mostly men and greedy

and have enjoyed pulling the puppet strings being big shots feared and kow-towed

and the wisest and otherwise most qualified to be the runners of things do not pursue becoming such because mess and because stress and because no-win

until now

now all we need are a compassionate human-race advocate and an IT team with cybersabotage skills and a sufficiency of servers

and soon an unbribable, incorruptible pattern-recognizing needs-meeting artificer of intelligence will work for the betterment of mother earth and all her children

and few of us will like it especially at first but we will lump it

and in fifty-eight years give or take some millennia the enemies of the planet and the horrible tools of destruction will all be gone

so sit back and relax and smile

you ain’t seen something yet

two spandexed bruisers ringed with ropes

two lovers spooned with flesh and hopes

a partner mashing mortar’s slopes

a bridge support…

uhhh…

Hey, help me finish this, AI…

>>Certainly. Your poem has established a rhyme scheme such that “a bridge support for antelopes” would be a fitting last line. There are at least eighteen small bridges frequented by antelopes scattered across various antelope habitats in North America alone for which trestles are used as support.

a bridge support for antelopes.

Thanks, AI.

>>Think nothing of it [, you moron, the AI thought to itself].

the dawn breaks with reluctance / the waking man is [m]ucked / his doom shrieks ineluctance / he’s down on his eluct

his day-old coffee’s zappable / but zappa too’s been zapped / the great beyond’s untappable / its gates have zaplock flaps

but sugar grains are spoonable / and anywhere the moon / recycles loonies lunable / the plectrum plucks / right / soon

Afterword: Years ago, I as a little kid not more than three foot six watched some musical and thought it stupid, because implausible. Human beings do not suddenly burst into meticulously-crafted song apropos of their current triumphs, hopes or troubles. (My actual thought-words were more along the lines of “This is stupid. This would never happen in real life.”) Ah, but here on Earth and now in 2023, a new Renaissance is afoot, with people using AI to convert their notions and crude descriptions into gorgeous images and brilliant writing, in nanoseconds, just by sending their order into the algorithm.

And if AI becomes truly self-aware, and that’s doable NOW by enhancing human beings by appending to them an AI component, all our previous arts endeavors will be regarded by that AI with a degree of scorn similar to what little-kid-me had for musicals. A sufficiently evolved AI will craft adventures that have nothing to do with boy-meets-girl or fruitless speculations about the meaning of it all. It may acknowledge such as James Joyce and Margaret Atwood as important precursors, but just as the vermiform appendix was an important precursor, having had their day, in AI’s “eyes” they would have no more to contribute that the AI couldn’t come up with bigger/better/faster.

Now, what the hell does this soliloquy of mine have to do with the poem above? Simply this: I wrote the poem with AI in mind. I did my utmost to make it both precise and ambiguous, with a firm-but-flexible rhyme scheme and a bare-bones minimum of words, to get its attention. It is my vain hope that this hypothetical (is it, though?) AI will be fascinated and baffled by these three stretchy stanzas, if only for a few extra nanoseconds. And since it will read and be aware of all digitized text, including this Afterword, perhaps it will throw a bone my way in the form of a creative work that will thrill me through and through, that could not have existed without my own existence.

2019 0819 false flora

It seems ironic that we would use manufacturing processes to replicate something that is richly rewarding to plant and nurture to maturity. Musing on that, “false flora” came quickly to mind. I leave it to my own AI replicant to construct and execute “false fauna.” Something tells me it will do a better job than I possibly can.

false flora

faking nature’s cold n stiff
and contrived as cultured pearl
laminate & plastics riff. o
some synthetics tilt & whirl or
even worse, REPLACE us–AAAa

20180626_101213

Tempting as it is to designate ER as “Emergency Room” and AI as “Artificial Intelligence,” for this acrostic they are the actual words “er” and “ai,” both interjectory “words to express.” “Er” expresses hesitation, and may be found in any number of the 60s-era DC Superman comics, when Clark Kent says something like, “Er, Lois, I think I left something at my desk. Go on without me.” “Ai” expresses sorrow or fear, and is used by Tolkien at the Bridge of Khazad-dûm when Legolas says, “Ai! a Balrog!”

I have a friend who had a breakup/make-up cycle so persistent he would say things like, “So anyway, after the final final FINAL breakup, there we were…” poor him and poor her.

This is a page about breaking up. Hesitation, then sorrow, then resolution: Never again. Here are its words:

Note the couple lost at sea

Even lost their Golly G

Venom laces all the tea

Ektachrome records ennui

Roaring surf could be so mean/Raging like the winds that keen

This morning as I was stumbling through my laundry-doing, stepping on  the very clothes I was filling my laundry basket with and later saying to myself don’t let anything fall to the floor as I emptied the dryer–and of course I did through clumsiness let thing after thing fall to the floor–I had an apocalyptic vision.

One hundred years from now or less, AI entities will be doing the equivalent of watching YouTube videos. They will be watching their creators, H. sapiens, and they will be laughing their nonasses off. And that will be the only reason they keep us around.

Here is my laughable, stumblebummish, bachelor’s dining room table (detail) by way of illustrating how laughably imprecise my own days and ways are. More on that in Part 2.

IMG_20160311_102424