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At the Cottonwood Recreation Center there is a certain subset of gym rats that hangs out in the Free Weights area. For the members of that subset, frequent homage to the Buff Gods is mandatory. One in particular likes to quasi-scream as he cranks out the last of his reps, and when the set is done he lets the free weight free-fall to clang on the rack resoundingly, distracting the entire gym floor.

I don’t like such behavior, but there’s no denying he’s getting results, and I’m envious enough to do a post about it. Lord help me if I’m ever envious enough to act like that, though.

Here are the words to the triple acrostic:

If you’re fitly lifting free, bub
Getting anatomic visa
Off them duds & take a pic
To preserve a build like brick

(“Anatomic” may also be read as “an atomic.” [smiles])

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Last week my friend Bob Kabchef created a feature called Maudlin Monday in the poet’s group we both are in, and I joked that I was working on a dual portrait of Maud Adams and Loretta Lynn for Maud/Lynn Monday, but it would take some time. This week my friend Genevieve Lumbert, another member of our group, reminded us: “POP CALL TO MAUDLIN MONDAY ARCADE.” (Arcade was Bob’s username in the now defunct seniors social site Eons, where we all met.) Spurred by Gen’s nudge, I did the above. Since the index card is a little beat up, it didn’t lay on the scanner flatly, and so I put a CD-R atop it, remembering that there’s a cool prismatic effect when you scan a disk.

Words:

Made their marks with smarts and toil
Anguished; languished; knew true joy
Upped their cred despite their men
Do let’s see them both again

The Shakespeare quote is apt for these two ladies, and for several of the ladies in our poet’s group Poets All Call, including its originator, Socorro Olsen, and Genevieve, and my Sweetheart, Denise.

This morning I bought some more Tracfone phone minutes, and then called my mom to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day and to fact-find and get permission to do an unadorned account of her life as a mother. She cheerfully and at some length reviewed certain of her life events with me, and granted me carte blanche to write what I would.

Here is what I wrote, but not unadorned: atop my account I made a sketch of her.

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Hard to get is Pierrette; less so is Pierrot
Enterprises roll the dice and change the status quo
In the red await the seeds for placement in the loam
Ripened, swollen, injured, with stigmata or with stoma
Less-than-purists come along and…à chacun son goût
Ouch the horse that you rode in on OUCH your puppy too
Obsolescing Nature’s way creates a North untrue
Modify perfection and you miss a rendezvous

What Heirloom Tomatoes are, and why this is therefore a polemic against genetic modification, is left for the reader to explore.

Unfurled, it is your private shield, protection on a pole

Much needed in a downpour or to give Romance some Soul

Bestow a small one on a drink & let the good times roll

Regardless of how much you’ve had, you’re gonna want Samoa

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That last-word Punchline Pun owes something to my college days in Tucson in the mid-Seventies, and a TV commercial for a Pacific Islands restaurant called Kon-Tiki. They had a Big-Kahuna-type guy say stuff like “Little Chief LIKE Kon-Tiki!” in a fake Polynesian accent. His next to last line was “Little Chief misses his island home!” and the curvy hula-skirt-clad girl by his side asked, “Samoa?”, whereupon Little Chief grabbed at a goodies-heaped plate, dropped the Polynesian accent, and said, Texas style, “Ah don’t mahnd ef Ah DO!”

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A few days ago I read a heartbreaking article in Reader’s Digest about Jude Deveraux, best-selling novelist, being taken for approximately $17 million by a predatory monster who claimed to be a psychic. Years before, I’d seen an infomercial for Dionne Warwick’s “Psychic Friends,” and noticed the disclaimer at the bottom For Entertainment Purposes Only or somesuch.

Now, I don’t call myself an atheist or an agnostic, but my tendency is heavily toward skepticism; even so, I LITERALLY don’t know what to believe. I ardently hope there is more to the Universe than random purposelessness. Being a sentient being with a mind and what amounts to free will, I am free to decide what makes sense, and what my own reason for living is–subject to change, of course. Consequently, I will find myself at night looking at the inside of my closed eyelids and seeking answers from beyond my insignificant self. I’m sure almost all of us have asked: What’s my next move? How do I handle THIS major issue? And one overwhelming question, which comes in many forms: What’s wrong with this picture, and what needs to happen to make it unwrong?

When we ask these questions, and dream on them, and hope for an answer to come to us in the form of a thought popping into our heads unbidden, or other sign from outside ourselves, we are being our own psychics. I am positive that Jude Deveraux would have been much the much better off if she had been her own psychic. The trouble was, she was insecure; she didn’t trust that she’d come up with good answers on her own.

So now, let’s walk through it: If we’re going to be our own psychics, how are we going to be the best psychics we can be? Here’s what I’ve come up with, but I am 100% sure that you who read will come up with something that suits YOU, and YOUR circumstances, better.

1. Learn what you REALLY want out of life. Do you really want to be a millionaire? Do you want to be suspicious of someone you don’t know wanting to be your friend? Do you want constant demands on your time and your money by people who think they know better than you do what to do with your time and your money? (By the way, your time is of equal or greater value than your money; I’ll try not to waste yours here.)

2. Formulate five questions you’d like God, or Nature, or the Cosmos, or Whoever, to answer. Here are mine:

What is the best use of my time, today, this week, this month, and this year?
Who in the world do I most need to learn from?
What do I not know that I need to know?
How much lifetime do I have left?
What is making my life more tragic, what makes it more joyful, and what can I do about this?

These are kind of fudgy questions in that there are subquestions in some of them. But my important question list is subject to change, especially if I learn something new (and I’m bound to) or my circumstances change. The thing is to keep asking these questions, and keep looking for the answers both actively (“Time to go to the gym and put another brick in the Life Extension Wall”) and passively. (“Hey, look at that! There’s my answer right there!”)

3. Beware the easy answer. It is tempting to, seeing a rainbow, infer that God or the Universe is trying to tell you something. But a rainbow is merely the organization of visible light at certain frequencies via its refraction in a myriad of water droplets. You can have a rainbow any time you want one if you have a sunny day and a garden hose; just use your thumb and turn until the angle is right. But if you get a burning bush, or gigantic text carved out of a mountain before your very eyes, I’d pay attention–BUT I’D STILL QUESTION THE MESSAGE. Try the answers you get out on your intuition, and do your best not to inject your own wishful thinking.

4. Live for more than yourself. When you do that, your psychic connection has more than you to answer to, and will consequently give you (and yours) a clearer picture.

Essay/Lecture over. That’ll be Zero Dollars and Zero Cents please. [smiles]