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Friends, as of 8:27 PM, Mountain Standard Time, May 29, 2018, your humble host has been afflicted with a peculiar form of creative block for more than a week. It is not that I cannot draw or write. It is that when I turn these energies to a certain project, I choke up.

The project is a page that will include a quadruple acrostic. The pillars of the acrostic are the words Left, Lest, Fest, and Felt. The poem is inspired by a blog post of a new friend of mine, a poet named Marta whose blog is called MOMENTS. The magical, enigmatic post talked of sisters Left and Felt, and their influence on women named Laura, Selina and Maria. Here is a link: https://momentsbloc.wordpress.com/2018/02/04/left-and-felt-three-abnormal-women/

I was jazzed and energized by Marta’s post, and also could not but notice that the words Left and Felt, both of four letters, would lend themselves to a double acrostic poem. And then I realized that two additional words, Lest and Fest, if placed between Left and Felt, would imply a transformation from one to the other, one letter at a time.

Excited, I texted Marta for permission to use her post as a springboard for one of mine. She quickly and graciously granted permission. I thought I would have it done inside a week, and within a day or so had gotten this far:

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And then, my friends, I hit a block wall.

(End of part 1)

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g l i m p s e d

gainsaid are the scarlet scoffers

all chagrined and aloe tropicked

spillways make decanted offers

plump seditionists thus topicked

Here is play with the acrostic form to third-time “glimpsed” and so make of it a motif. That the text makes sense, with a sly, subversive message that invites reader participation, is a bonus; but the priority is the image and what it evokes.

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Five years ago today this blog began. My intention and goal was to do at least one blog post a week. One post a week would have made this Blog Post #261 or so. On the other hand, if I’d done a post a day, which quickly became my ambition, this would be Blog Post #1826.

But one thing I’ve learned, and relearned, in these five years: Quantity doesn’t mean much in blogging; QUALITY means much more. Post a thousand blogs, and the more you waste a viewer’s time, the bigger the crime you commit.

That said, the ability to draw, to sculpt, to compose poetry, to genuinely CREATE–generally, the more time spent doing creative things, the better we get at not wasting a viewer’s time. We become more creatively fit. We try things. Go down dead ends and beat ourselves against brick. Pull out something from our psyche with hard pliers, and hurt for it. Phone it in, and hurt for that too.

It is our job as creatives to be perpetually dissatisfied, to weep over the masterwork our efforts could have been but weren’t, to try, try again until we morph to some degree from tourist to native, and to not settle into a comfort zone of facile confidence. Ours is–must be–the most important job on Earth. Our job is to be a voice of the best that Civilization has to offer.

And so, both humbly and arrogantly, we must start with self-portraiture. We discover who we are, what we like, at what we excel, and at what we may never succeed. It is important, just as it is important for a hot fudge sundae to start out both hot and cold, that our focused seriousness be alloyed with relaxed, carefree play. This enables us to explore, and it gives our inner fire some motivation and Zing.

Today I started a page inspired by Billy Crystal’s “Fifteen Rounds,” which tells the life first of Cassius Clay and then of Muhammad Ali, from victory at the 1960 Olympics to defeat many years later at the hands of Leon Spinks. I have watched the two YouTube versions of this performance at least a dozen times. The theme is pure Ali: “It’s never too late to start all over again.” That mantra has helped me get through some tough times in these five years.

Near the end of “Fifteen Rounds” a determined Ali asserts that he wants to take on ol’ Leon again. “I’m old, I don’t like training, but I’m gonna do it. Gonna do my pushups, gonna do my situps. I’m gonna RUN WITH THE MOON!”

And so will we, Friends. When this work in progress is finished enough to be ready for your subsequent view, we will run with the moon!

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In August I again became a college student, enrolling at South Mountain Community College so that I could be in their 3D Design class. The third sculptural project for the class is due today, November 6, 2017, in less than nine hours. The assignment: Make ten gesture drawings, have the instructor approve one of them, and create a wire sculpture based on that drawing.

I had never worked with wire before. It is fantastically fun to be doing so now!

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If I ever write a memoir about my struggle with (perceived; I’ve never been diagnosed) mental illness, the way H. G. Wells (MIND AT THE END OF ITS TETHER) and F. Scott Fitzgerald (THE CRACK-UP) and Philip K. Dick (VALIS) did, “When the B’ao Breaks” will be the title, and the above sketch may well be an illustration. Happy to report that things are going well now, and there is not the desperate urge to codify my madness the way those three fine gentlemen storytellers did. But Life is fickle; it could happen.

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Last night I watched the DVD of GUERNICA. It was about the village of that name that was used by the Condor Squad of Hitler’s Luftwaffe to test the effectiveness of Blitzkrieg, “lightning warfare.” The bombing was conducted by a cousin of WWI’s Baron von Richtofen. It was April 26, 1937, and the bombing was called by him “a birthday present for Hitler.”

It was a good movie, with personal stories of love, heartbreak, betrayal and loss. I kept getting distracted by the costumes, hairstyles, and vintage automobiles, though, and soon froze the frame for a sketch, and kept freezing it for an interesting expression, explosion, or other eye candy. Consequently it took the better part of five hours to see a two-hour movie.

 

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Parts 1 and 2 of this series detailed the provenance of the developing image. A work crisis loomed. Employer wanted a certain number of hours from the employee during holiday time. Employee would not receive the Social Security benefit for that month working those hours, as income would exceed maximum allowed.

The crisis is resolved. The employee called in, not sick, but unavailable, two of the days of the month. One of the days was Christmas Eve. This absence on Christmas Eve meant, per the union contract, that the employee would not receive holiday pay for work performed on Christmas Day. That reduced the monthly income by slightly more than 4 hours’ work. There was also continual encouragement of the employer to save payroll money by sending the employee home early if things were slow.

The employee, myself, consequently will receive the Social Security benefit. The employer, SSP America, did not suffer overmuch for my absences. Win-win!

Here is a variant of the final version of the now-framed image, showing relief on two of the faces of the image.

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pass your past 11022016.jpg

In my lonelier moments I nO evoM, which is Move On backwards. I UNmove on. Backtrack. Grind my teeth over how I cannot unturn events, cannot Revert To Saved Version.

I was in such a dysfunctional mode this morning, and so I gave myself the illustrator’s version of a good talking-to. Good PENCILING-to? Sounds painful. –Hey, it was, a little. But it may have done the job.

Here is the acrostic:

pass your past

poetry‘s my s.o.p
andy hopfrog told his flea
schmaltzy, lurid odes engross
some poor bastards NEED a ghost

S.O.P. stands for Standard Operating Procedure. Why a Hopfrog talking to a Flea that belongs to him? Metaphor for a dilettante with a Jiminy Cricket. Why is [told] in brackets? Alternate close words like toed, toad and towed offer different flavors. Who’s the Asian babe and the old guy? The heart of the page, that’s who.

search-11012016

This morning I started the above image, and got stuck and put it aside. I then had lunch at the Senior Center, got a call from my mother asking for help, went with her to Walgreen’s and then Bashas’ and then back to her house to put away the groceries and then to Dignity Health to visit my ailing brother Brian and then back to Mom’s house, where I left her with her neighbor Jeff, who’s been helping her out as well, and then I walked to Yoshi’s (Have A Rice Day) and had their Spicy California Roll, an eggroll, and a medium Dr Pepper. The George and Dragon was a stroll away and I went there to watch the Chicago Cubs tie their World Series with the Cleveland Indians with their thrilling 9-3 victory, and I had vanilla ice cream topped with the coffee liqueur Kahlúa® to celebrate. Shortly after that I left for the bus stop on Indian School Road that would take me home, and it was there that a strange, slow tune blossomed in my head, and I came up with some words for it, and then some more, and discarded some, and continue to this moment, even after I finished the image with a mind to illustrate the song. Here are the words as of this moment:

search

i’ve searched for you
in time in space
i long to view
your loving face.

i know you’re way
beyond right now
i seem to sway
with you somehow.

some things are felt
before they’re seen
may travel melt
the in between.

may we behold
each other’s gaze
the tale be told
and well amaze.

i’ve searched for you
and we’ll be crowned
with dawn and dew
when we are found.

I just tried singing it, and it is so syrupy sweet it’s embarrassing. It doesn’t matter. It was the catalyst that helped me complete an image, so I’m grateful for the song.