Friends, this was dashed off in about 25 minutes. It is infested with puns, so please forgive another one: I dashed it off because I’m inspired by Douglas Fairbanks, Jr., who was so Dashing.

A bad portrait of him is here, as are bad portraits of Neil Patrick Harris, Al Pacino, Slice Cooper, and Moe and Cirly of the Three Stooges. And those may be Maynard G. Krebs’s hands on the bongo drums. Or Marlon Brando’s.