The Tomato Olympics

A hush sweeps the crowd

Wrightson “Tomatoman” Guerre takes his station

His theme song “Takin’ Care a Bizness” begins

Deftly, economically, he plucks a tomato from the bin and positions is precisely, stem side down, in the chute just as his driving hand propels it through the slicing blades

His guiding hand plucks the slices from the far end and in the same deft motion his guiding hand’s thumb flicks the top slice into the salsa cambro

And the rest of the tomato fills a gap in the half-full heatsealable bag

The crowd cheers with gusto

But the judges hold up disappointing numbers

They noticed the bottom slice with its tiny but stigmatizing dot had gone into the bag too

The crowd makes a sympathetic noise

Between the ears

Wherein the Tomatoman’s Olympic exploits are imagined

And crowd and arena alike fade

As the commissary prep cook

Fishes the bottom slice

Out of the bag

The author gratefully acknowledges James Thurber and his “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.”