Archive

Tag Archives: friendship

she is decades younger and centuries older than i am.

her grade school christmas wish in 1967 was “happy birthday Jesus!”

she soothed a dying man’s passage. but for her he would have died uncomforted and utterly alone.

she made the nightly news for her comment after finishing the Phoenix 10K. Asked how she manages to finish such grueling races, she cheerily replied, “i just get right behind a good-looking guy.”

she is a fierce pickleball player and a friendly scrabble player. she seems to revel in well-made movies with graphic and realistic violence. I had no idea she carried such bloodlust in her until i went with her to see the northman.

of all the astonishing things she has done, she seems proudest that she is the mother of her son.

in my world there have been four Queen Elizabeths. two were queen of england, one portrayed cleopatra queen of the nile, and my beloved friend, whose friendship i have cherished for most of my life, is the queen of Kindness.

long live the Queen!

Swarms of greedy human beings/Play the lottery and pray/They will have the magic numbers/And win millions, one fine day.

Meanwhile, would-be Thomas Edisons/Shove and shovel and acquire/Work their way up Forbes 500/Filthy Lucre their desire.

Meanwhile, some want life achievements/And some slice of recognition/From their dreaming peers of makers/Trophy, ribbon, First Edition.

Meanwhile, some have lovingkindness/And relief for those downtrodden/Is their focus and their passion/Their hands muddy but unsodden.

We ALL want to be successful/Doing Business, seeking Pleasure/Pick your Passions well, O Neighbors/And the way you take Wealth’s measure.

between acquaintance and friend is a variable ravine

and in my part of the land greetings are clues with “hi. how are you?” standard for an acquaintance and “hey, how’s it goin?” a little more friendly and “billy! whatcha up to?” very likely friend to friend

you are most of the time “fine, thanks. how are you?” with acquaintances

but most of the time no matter the degree of intimacy you tend to avoid unburdening of issues and troubles

a true and caring friend will sense that you are troubled and know you well enough to try to draw you out if that is the best thing for you

so…how are you,

my friend?

when we overeat and gain weight and do not buy larger clothing we sculpt ourselves with stored energy/overflowing the belts of our pants

if we do it quickly we decorate our flesh/with stretch marks and the subtle tattooing of burst capillaries

and if we continue such ill-advised behavior the stored energy becomes a vascular-wall encrustation that hampers plumbing, sometimes unto death

so we who cannot control our ingestation or do not metabolize our stored energy with exercise get tsktsked by our medical consultants who prescribe us symptom-handlers and not root-cause-managers

it is a hot fat mess

wellness concerns and fat-jiggling whilst looking into the bathroom mirror now tell me that rather than sleep another hour i really ought to gear up for the outside world and i here i am doing just that and hoping to be bursting out my front door before the top of the hour for some long slow distance

walk with me friend

days

awaken mutter
swing legs over bed edge
gain footing dazedly walk

uneven urinary flow
clumsiness with pills
flossing finds a tender gumslot

the shower curtains are defiant
shampoo lather migrates to eye
despite caution a foot slips

another day takes the stage
there will be breathing and walking
reading and ridicule

warm inner glow of a good meal
flesh degradation under a relentless sun
a return home and an exhausted flop

we build cathedrals of days
altars and gargoyles apses and pews
sanctuaries against oblivion

sobriety adds sturdiness
friendship is the mortar
and every hour is another brick

20211113_085847

Breaking a fast of a night full of dreams In a well-conceived ripping of old-notion seams Haunts a bachelor’s kitchen with ethery steams And wreaks chop-happy havoc on thought-laden streams. In other words, when I woke up after dreaming about friendship and loyalty, with the (not original with me, I’m sure, but there it was, echoing away) phrase “some friendships never die until both friends have died” looping in my head, I lurched into the kitchen, found some items that would suit, and prepared a meal while looking with a strange lens at what I was doing.

Recently I read T. S. Eliot’s “The Waste Land.” I don’t pretend to fully understand it. There are helpful footnotes and biographical material in the edition I own (Penguin Classic, The Waste Land and other Poems, edited and with an introduction and notes by Frank Kermode, purchased at the amazing The Book House in St. Louis, Missouri, Eliot’s home town) but the sense of Eliot’s focus choices still eludes me. I see and touch the parts of his poetic elephant without getting a good, wide-angled, aerial-photography look at the elephant itself. Time, research and thought will take care of that, I trust. Meanwhile I’m in the kitchen, a bit sleep-befuddled, under a slight Eliot influence. As I start chopping the potato I think of how much better it would be to say “There’s more than one way to chop a potato” than “There’s more than one way to skin a cat.” Those poor cats!!! (In St. Louis I spent several days in the company of my cartoonist/poet friend Russ Kazmierczak and his significant other, the cat-adoring Missy Pruitt. I like cats myself, but Missy has devoted a portion of her life-energy to the welfare of cats on a scale beyond most of us.) (If T. S. Eliot had never existed, the play Cats would never have existed either, and Paul Newman would never have gotten up in his seat in the audience of “The Late Show with Letterman” and demanded, “Where the Hell are THE SINGING CATS??!” Thoughts don’t come out of nowhere.) (Russ K is a huge Letterman fan. I’m hoping this passage will bring him a smile. Russ is a huge Missy Pruitt fan too. If Eliot were writing this, he would make less sense but be much more eloquent.)

Anyway, I ended up chopping the potato unconventionally. I did half in thin slices of wedges, a third in discs, and the rest just a home-fries chopchop. And I made a staged potatoscape and thought of what potential the right painting of the scape would have in elbowing its way into the Museum of Modern Art.

20211113_091704

Potatoes need company. This one was accompanied by slow-sautéed scrambled eggs, topped by Mexican-style blend grated cheese and surprise guest red-pepper-enhanced hummus, applied to the surface of the melting cheese using a two-spoon technique I invented for the occasion. I’d never used hummus as an ingredient before, and I may not have if I hadn’t been addled by dreams and haunting Eliot allusions, but no regrets: it was just the right amount to add a red-peppery tang. Having eaten, I am now a slightly different person than I was before I woke: slightly better nourished both by foodstuffs and by eerie, arty, Eliot-laced musings. May you, Friends, find just the sustenance and musement you yourself need today!

2021 1019 niceness

A few days ago I went to a multi-year high school reunion of my fellow Glendale High School alumni. We were almost all in our late 60s and early 70s. Compared to our high school selves, we were almost to a person saggy and baggy and crepey and creaky and greyish and bulky, but not sulky, rather cheerful, glad to be vertical, glad to see friends. I came away with a good feeling, a nice feeling, and somehow the lens of that evening obscurely guided my pencil and my wordstacker.

niceness

now we hoist a cup or stein
in a toast to life divine
cherishing our kin and friends
effervescence never ends

This morning I basked in the presence of LaShawna Douglas-Muhammad, whom I had not seen for at least a year. We’d arranged to meet and I’d asked Shawna what her favorite flower was. It is the Plumeria, which I had never drawn nor painted. For the last couple of days I’ve gone about remedying that, and the drawing I made included this acrostic poem:

plumeria & lashawna

plain yoghurt & UNawful falafel
LOL so fine & so ciao bella
umbrella tree & blossom oasis
miraculous & sweet floral mesh
entice & fill with euphoria
relieve & cure Sorrow
in a thous&fold refrain
a flower & you, dear Shawna

In close to an hour that seemed like about five minutes we talked over Starbucks coffee about co-workers past and present; baseball, especially the Dodgers; managers and management styles; certain health issues; California, where we are both from; our fathers and other family members; and the tough last few months, with their tragic losses and with the loss of friendships consequent to the Capitol insurrection of January 6. One fascinating bit of trivia I learned is that her grandson Cairo does not like his Grandma’s lipstick.

It was, to understate it, a WONDERFUL visit, Shawna being both a good talker and a good listener. We hope to see each other again in a couple of weeks or so.

2021 1016 shawna and plumeria

2021 0116 plumeria and shawna

20201204_191923

My friend from midstate California, Bob Kabchef, grows things like pomegranates and walnuts and tomatoes, and every so often he shares his harvests with some of his friends. Yesterday a heavy box packed and shipped by him landed in the “parcel locker” of my apartment complex. I have since divested two pomegranates of their seeds, putting some of them in my morning oatmeal. Here’s a photo of the remaining seeds, with a little pom atop them for contrast and scale:

20201205_084008

My late, much-missed friend Karen Wilkinson often hosted musical evenings for our living-foom band The Snot Dogs. Usually the evening included pizza from locally heroic Spanato’s, plus a salad of Karen’s own making which included pomegranate seeds–the ingredient that made the salad extra-special. So this morning I called fellow band member Martin Klass (about whom more in my blog posts “Foom-Bozzle-Wozzle” et sequelae) and told him I’d gotten some pomegranates; would he like one?

“I would love one,” he said. “You know, because of Miss Karen.”

I knew. So tomorrow I’ll deliver him one. And I’ll also ask our piano player Katie Wood, who loved Karen as well.

Friendship and Love are transmitted many ways, Friends.

Something nice started with this lamentatious post I made on Facebook:

Friends, I am Bummed with a capital B. My Phoenix Center for the Arts wheel-throwing class has been canceled mid-stream. The center cites community benchmarks for COVID-19 infection risk. I applaud their proactive efforts to stem the spread, but I also feel like the rug has been yanked from under my feet, landing me on my oversized sit-downer.

I took some clay home. Not much–I was on public trans and on foot, and wasn’t up to lugging a lot of clay around. So I can hand-build, but until I find a reliable studio space/place, I can’t throw, and I can’t really sculpt–I need to bisque-fire what I make.

Rats!!!!!

Several friends commiserated, wished me well, suggested handbuilding, and generally made me feel better, though still bummed. Then I got a Facebook Messenger message from an amazing friend of mine, thus:

It was a link to a demo of someone deftly throwing miniature vessels on a tiny wheel. Looked like fun. We had this text exchange:

G: Very cool! The demo potter makes it look easy, but you’d need surgical steadiness to throw with precision on that scale. Worth exploring, though!!

N: LOL yes I know what you mean, but they are very sweet, something you could do at home

G: Quite so. Tell you what. Find me the product and how to order it, and if it’s under $100 US, I will buy it and make something for you. Deal?

It was a link to an outfit called wish.com. The little wheel was offered at $64. I was amazed that it was so inexpensive, and in fact it wasn’t, quite: what with tax and handling and timely shipping  the bill came to something over $118. 

And just this evening I made the second of two 3D sketches of Queen chess pieces. Neither looks remotely like her. Just getting my feet wet on subject matter I hadn’t handled in many years. I like the vitality of them, though.

20201203_194721

Long story concluded: As I say in the title and in the text exchange, there is “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” and there is “Make It Happen.” I’m thrilled that, thanks to my wonderful friend, a setback turned into a new, exciting path.

Would you like to meet my wonderful friend? You bet you would–trust me. Her name is Nina Pak. I knew her as Nina Rogers when we were classmates and (briefly for me) fellow Yoga Club members at Glendale High School. She attended my wedding to Joni Froehling on December 10, 1988, and I have not seen her much face-to-face since, but thanks to social media we maintain our friendship. She looks like this:

20201204_122248

She also looks like this:

20201204_122419

She has been a model, a curator, an art director, a publisher, and many other things. Working out of Vancouver, British Columbia, she has created time-defying, gorgeous tableaux of bygone–or alternate-universe–scenes. The curious need only do an Internet search on “nina pak art” to be privy to a multitude of breath-stopping imagery. She has said of her work, “I am not opposed to making my art look good on someone’s wall, but I feel what I create has a spiritual depth and mystery that stirs something essentially vital:  a longing, a calling, an echo of something forgotten, deja-vu, or something you can’t quite grasp but want to share.”

And she is my friend, thank the All, and this week she helped me do more than daydream about how nice it would be If. Nina, please accept my humble thanks!