Irving Berlin, Cole Porter and the Gershwin brothers fully appreciated Ethel Merman’s phenomenal voice, precise diction, and fluid, eloquent gestures to sell their songs with gusto and ferocity. Bette Midler is The Divine Miss M, but she is not the first. Midler is more than fair-to-middling, though, and for my money the heiress of the Merman mantle. And they both have referred to themselves as Broads, and they both have a lusty, ribald side.

I learned through my brief obsession with Merman during the last couple of weeks that though she hit the heights professionally, in her personal life she was hit hard with tragedy and heartbreak. When she sang “There’s No Business Like Show Business” she had been everywhere the song goes, with the possible exception of being escorted out of town by the sheriff. But she often had it tougher.

For some reason, I was thrilled to learn of her hearty sexual appetite. Perhaps in some improbable corner of the Multiverse, Chance brought her together with a young man less than half her age . . .

Ethel’s Merman

Eros gives Fantasy wings, it would seem
Time for Romance with an undersea theme
Here in the depths who knows what may occur
Energized Whales Blue Humpback and Sperm
LUST finds fine expression in seabed’s gymkhana
‘S all Good, precious girl–find Fun à la Pescan

Pescan: adjective. “Of or relating to Fish.” Not for the unpesky. 🙂

Fun fact: The Salty Señorita is a popular bar in Old Town, Scottsdale, Arizona, about five miles from my apartment’s doorstep.