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2022 0523 ak15

Part of love of country includes acknoledgment and ownership of its failings. My country, the United States of America, has a shameful record of gun violence against schoolchildren. It goes back decades. And every time a fresh incident heartbreakingly occurs, the sellers and fanatical owners of guns trot out the same arguments, including “Guns don’t kill people–people do.”

Well, that’s nonsense. Guns literally WEAPONIZE people, enabling the evil and deranged to do far more grievous bodily harm than with just about anything. The gun makers strive to make the guns effective, and that includes ease of use, kill capacity, and, thanks to gun lobbyists, convenient to obtain.

The drawing I made today isn’t pretty. It is meant to not be pretty. This is an ugly side of my beloved country, and I do not wish to prettify it.

Our lawmakers have been more driven by profit motive and campaign chances than by common sense and true care for constituency. I have no money, no political influence, nothing but a voice and the heartbreak that drives it now. So this post is the utmost I can do. Readers, please, if you have the ear of lawmakers, please urge them to do the right thing and not the sleazy, money-grubbing thing.

Once again Elizabeth Valenzuela renders in poetic form a true slice of struggle and fulfillment in the world of the Unhoused.

Taylor
by Elizabeth Valenzuela

The woman met Taylor
During her visits with Dale at 
Affifa’s Adult Family Home

He sat on the front porch every Sunday
Reviewing the Sunday Advertisements
A magnifying glass in his hand

But still wearing his only pair of 
Eyeglasses
Both lenses shattered and yellowed with age

Dale would sell him one cigarette for a dollar
When Taylor asked him for one
But only if he was feeling generous

The woman started handing Taylor
Cigarettes behind Dale’s back
Sometimes one or two cigarettes and 
On special occasions
A full pack

In return Taylor
Who always had a pocketful of
Werther’s caramels
Would slyly pass her a caramel
When she walked past him on her way out

After Dale died
The woman continued to stop by and see Taylor

He had never had a visitor in all the years he lived there
Having been previously unhoused
This is how the friendship started and it 
Continued after James moved into
Dale’s old room
Serendipity in action
Déjà vu on display

In December Taylor showed her an ad
A remote control race car
He said he was Saving money to buy one

Santa brought him one for Christmas 
He and James played with that remote control car

Then Taylor had a heart attack

He was taken to the hospital 
He was unresponsive
He was in a coma for many weeks
No family came forward

The Hospital petitioned the Court to remove
Life support
Only the woman that stopped by for a daily visit
Stood vigil by his bed

The day the Court Order was issued
They transferred him to another room
And with him his photo
And information the woman had posted

So the hospital staff
Would know that Taylor was loved

The next few days
The woman sat by his side
Gently holding his hand
And telling him that she would be there if he lived
And that he would be ok
If he went
Toward the love
That was Waiting for him
On the other side

That it was all good
That he was loved

He was perfectly still in that hospital bed
Machines had been unplugged two days prior

One tear fell down his face
Silence
As the woman leaned in
To kiss his forehead

The next morning when she stopped by
His bed was empty

James and Taylor at Affifa’s Adult Family Home playing with Taylor’s remote control car
Taylor Doughty

2022 0514 wake time rest

Wake (TIME) Rest

“I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow…” Roethke

What a restless Night!!! Oh, dear
Ah, well–we will persevere
Keep the fate and make the mess
Ever hoping ever blest

Afterword: What does it mean to keep the Fate and not the Faith? Adam Clayton Powell, long ago, said “Keep the faith, Baby…and spread it gently.” My late, great Outlaw Uncle, Paul, sent me a condolence note in 1983 after my father died, and he hand-wrote “Keep the faith Gary” in it. Keeping the Fate is as close as I can get: keeping vertical, plugging away for betterment, trying to enjoy and engage and become to create the best Fate I can. Here’s hoping you also do joyful Fate-Keeping, Friends.

2022 0512 dale and elizabeth

Dale

“Everyone counts or no one counts.” Michael Connelly

All day long the man was nasty
Spitting on the ground
Urinating on sidewalks
Obnoxious with cigarettes
Insulting
Cursing
With jerky motions

Now he was in a dark doorway
In Godawful clothing
On concrete
Cradling his head on a thin arm
His other hand tucked between his bony knees
For warmth

The woman had avoided him for years
Crossing the street when she saw him

That night she had quickly walked past him
But she looked back at him
From the safety of her car

She was pulled
To walk to him
To introduce herself
And to ask his name

“Dale, can I get you something?”

He was hungry and wanted pizza
Pizza with black olives and pepperoncini
And double pepperoni
And he told her where to get it

The woman hurried off into the cold night
She bought Dale’s pizza and brought it to him
And they stood in silence
And Dale was self-conscious
He would not touch his food till she was gone

Finally she told Dale she had to go
And Dale said,
“Will I see you tomorroW?”
And the woman said, “Yes.”

And many tomorrows later
Dale had an account at a coffee shop
And had been rescued from a ditch
And cleaned up after a winter
Spent in a porta potty

Had been evaluated
Diagnosed with Huntington’s Chorea
Housed but still sleeping with his boots on
And approaching
His journey’s end

And his caregivers
Called him “Sweet Dale”

Earlier in their journey
The woman went
To get him something
And she took much longer
Than she thought she would

When she returned at last
Dale turned to his unhoused friends
And said,
“I TOLD you
She would come back.”

2022 0512 dale leaf

In 1975 my parents and I went on a trip up the California coast. We saw Solvang and her tulips, San Simeon and it’s castle of wretched excess, and San Francisco, where Anything can and does Go. But we also paid a visit to a small town famous for Artichokes.

Yesterday I arrived in Castroville and spent the night at the Coastal Inn on Merritt Street. And this morning I ate a Castroville Scramble at the Fabolous Giant Artichoke Restaurant. Now I’m “scrambling” to post this, pack up, and head north. Checkout time is in eight minutes!!

2022 0412 sumta ii

Faithful readers will recognize this drawing as a different stage from the one I presented in the post “sumta loogat.” It is not exactly a later stage of the same drawing, since the drwing you saw earlier was an exploration based on a copy of a yet-earlier stage of the drawing, as this is, but this drawing is as if I had never made such changes, but instead made similar but different ones, and some not similar. Which is thoroughly confusing, but serves the purpose of trying things, reverting to previous, and trying again.

But this is the original grafitic. The OG, if you don’t mind a bit of cultural appropriation from American Gang lingo. I have come far enough along, though STILL far from finished, to want to make any more experimental copies.

There is something deeply gratifying about taking a long time on a single drawing, though the wild creation horses inside me are rarin’ to finish and move on. A mellowness and depth is starting to get real with this one. Since I don’t avoid flesh-contact with the paper, a slight tome buids as my left pam-thumb-subsection skates around. Despite skin oils, the tone is easily removed, and re-removed, with simple erasure. And the drawing benefits with a buildup of non-erased surface–see, for instance, the ribbonlike shap at top center, which now looks like a light source is highlighting its middle. The drawing is maturing.

It is still an adolescent, though. Adulthood, here we come! 🙂

Today I spent about a hundred US dollars for one month’s use of studio space and materials, including these three canvases and the acrylic paint that is on them, at Brightside Studios in uptown Phoenix, Arizona.

Photo by Michael P of Brightside Studios

In less than a month I’ll find out if it’s a good fit, and either let the monthly payment automatically renew, or send them written notice of termination. Meanwhile, I feel like I had a really good first day.

Sign here, Kid

Signing up was a painless 10- minute process. And unlike the classes I’d been taking, I set my own schedule, as long as it’s their business hours.

Now, it’s absolutely true that I have drawing table and supplies at my apartment. But I am happier and more productive when I’m among people who are also stuck with the Gotta-Make-Stuff impulse. And one sweet feature of this place is No Cleanup! Just put brushes and other stuff on designated trays, and you’re out the door!

My mom left me a modest inheritance when she died, and while I have frittered away some of it, and needed some other of it to maintain a certain quality of life that Social Security cannot cover, I am happy when I am 100% sure that an expenditure of mine would meet with her approval. This one qualifies, big time! 🙂

2022 0324 sumta loogat

An old saying has it that “You cannot have your cake and eat it too.” But thanks to printer/scanner technology, it is easy to have your drawing and change it too. That’s what I’ve done with this one. What you see is a printed copy of a work in progress of mine, one far from finished, and after I printed the copy I drew on it, then I scanned it and photoedited it to darken the midtones, goose up the contrast, and crop it. The result is something I defy people to inpect and see if they can tell what was printed and what was subsequently drawn. Modern printing is miraculous.

I’m calling this “Sumta loogat” because that’s the way I, with my Southwestern American accent, pronounce “something to look at.” When I drew I tried to entertain myself with visual dynamics, tonal range, composition, and just enough text to intrigue. Those familiar with my word would correctly guess that the words are meant to eventually be the spines of two triple acrostic poems. But here is a visual experience that is different than the one to be had when the poetry is complsed and added.

The notation “a/p” is something I picked up from my intaglio printing days in the 1970s and early 80s. It stands for “artist’s proof” and can mean anything from “unauthorized edition” to “work in progress” to “don’t take this one too seriously.” In printmaking it means it is NOT part of a print run.

Just something to look at, Friends. Hope it pleases!

snapshot

so this is after
a bowl of stewed carrots
and a cup of coffee
and before a shave and shower

that indeterminate time
when my drawing and i have a tussle

“redeeming love” is the name of the movie
that i watch and then pause to draw more
it is about gold-strike times
and a dirt farmer and a luscious prostitute
he is bound and resolute to marry her
she is scarred from abandonment
and the ugliness that goes with the life

it’s impossible to say
what influence watching the movie
has on my drawing
except that watching the movie is strangely soothing
because despite the tawdriness and pain
the title promises glory by the end
and i need that hope right now
for my drawing
(notice the word DEFEAT in lower right)
and my day
(seems like yesterday i did my laundry
and not four days ago
and i go out of town tomorrow
and haven’t booked a room yet
and i want to finish this drawing
and another more important drawing
and and and and and)
and my life

old guy getting older
full of stewed carrots
coffee
and redeeming hope