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Tag Archives: Identity

the social security administration/never sent me my 1099/and tax time looms/so i went online

i went online and clicked on Getcha 1099 Right Here, Kid

and suddenly was called upon/not merely to log in/but to prove incontrovertibly that i was who i said i was

which involved not merely to supply my social security number

but to take photos of my state-issued,

gold-star-on-the-front,

driver’s-license-on-steroids

identification card

and was that sufficient? nope!

ssa then commandeered my phone

(after they graciously got my permission)

and had me removed my glasses

and pose for a “video selfie”

which took three tries

and then compared it with my i.d. pic

and lo and behold and huzzah

i am indeed who i said i was

and from then the obtainment/of my 1099 both download and to-be-mailed hard copy/was a snap

but wait there’s more

a breakdown of all my social-security-taxed income was available/from the summer of 1970 on

which was fascinating

details on request

maybe

Here’s a tale of Whoa. (Thanks for reading my latest Bad Pun.) On October 12 of this year I went to some lengths to upgrade my driver’s license to a State ID, which will sometime in 2023 be required for anyone who wants to travel. I brought with me the right kind of the copy of my birth certificate (has a seal from Vital Records), establishing that I was indeed born in the United States of America, and a lease agreement, establishing that I did indeed live where I said I lived. The lady at the booth scanned my documents, I signed a scanner for the signature line, they gave me an eye test and took my picture, and they told me I’d get my card “in about a week.”

A month and a half went by. No card.

Today I called the Motor Vehicle Department and asked the lady who answered if it was unusual for cards to take this long. She said it was, but since she was Level I, General Information, she’d need to transfer me to Level II. A few minutes later another nice lady checked my driver’s license number and said Aha, your photo was not acceptable to the Face Recognition software, we can’t see both of your earlobes, you’ll have to come in and take another pic. “Whoa,” said I. “But OK.”

So today I rented a car, because public transportation would have taken hours, and I had till 4:45pm, and what the heck, I like driving every so often. I arrived timely, took a number, and was directed to Booth 19. The nice lady at Booth 19 took my license and the temp ID and printed out my info for me to review and sign. “Hey,” said I, “My apartment number’s missing.” “Aha,” she answered, “that must be the real reason we put a hold on your card.” “Did you send me an e-mail?” Headshake. “Call me?” “No, we don’t do that in such cases,” says she. “We tell you before you leave when you can expect the card, and expect you to call if you don’t get it when we say.” Grrrr.

But there’s an upside. The first pic made me look like a serial killer. This one makes me look like innocent, harmless Grandpa. Heh heh. If they only knew. 🙂

2019 0801 mri stage 2

Last month I had a session inside a torpedo tube, or so the MRI chamber seemed. I got to hear classic rock music and odd, Techno-like machine noises. It lasted about forty minutes, and resulted in over 500 cross-sectional views of my brain. Here is a detail from one of the pages, which I have tinted for dramatic effect:

scan sent to sf

From top to bottom, left to right, the images start at the top of my head and end at about the middle of my eyes. Since I now know almost nothing about brain anatomy I don’t know what structures, other than my eyes and the corpus callosum, are being heightened by the contrast. I knew more in grade school but have forgotten most of what I learned.

In this early stage of my drawing and poem, I’ve done thumbnails of several of the views, and have decided on the acrostic spine, MAGNETIC RESONANCE IMAGING, and seven words and one phrase. The decision on the spine is final, even though the leftmost word, MAGNETIC, has eight letters, and the rightmost, IMAGING, has but seven; and RESONANCE has seven elements since I have RES occupy one line. Most likely I’ll use the final G of the acrostic for both lines of a final couplet, and they will rhyme, but we’ll see.

This is by no means the clunkiest acrosticization I’ve done. Once I used MARS SOUPY AL as my triple acrostic, which is a wretched pun on “marsupial” and ended up needing a line arrangement similar to a freeway overpass to five different highways. But the result was absolutely unique, with drawings of Mars and Soupy Sales and Al Pacino heading the three words, and a duck-billed platypus overlording all three. I was reasonably certain that no one had ever brought the four together, and equally certain that no one would ever know why they SHOULD be brought together, until they had seen the acrostic. And even then I imagine head-scratching and the thought “This is nuts.”  But that’s where the idea for the acrostic came from–the Duck-Billed Platypus is one of the most improbable creations on Earth, seeming to be a cut-and-paste job from several species. My poem, in my humble opinion, was a good analogue, an honorary marsupial.

The acrostic I’m working on above comes from a different place. My working intention is to poetically discuss the way that lump of fatty tissue in our skulls relates to who we are. This subject was well plumbed by the late Oliver Sacks, and if you have never had a look at The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales it is available in PDF form for a mere $2.50 US, and I also found a used hardcover, good condition,  on the Barnes & Noble site for $2.30. SO well worth it, Friends, and I hope you will find it in the library or elsewhere, if it’s not on your bookshelf already.

The words and phrase I have put into the acrostic already are subject to change, but I hope I don’t have to. If I can make them work in an array of meter and rhyme that makes sense and speaks to the subject I’ve chosen, it will be a lot like a magic trick. Stay tuned, please!

20181002_100026

My updated  driver’s license arrived in the mail yesterday. It says a lot about who the State of Arizona thinks I am, and some of it is true.

Elsewhere in my wallet are various IDs and other clues as to the nature of my existence. There’s a 31 day full-fare bus pass, for instance. In a year I will be able to get one for half-fare, unless they change the rules.

I’ve put my drawing in a context that Sherlock Holmes would have some success in learning much more about me. But none of it, nor all the data an exhaustive FBI search would reveal, nor all the memories of everyone who ever knew me, nor my own increasingly spotty memory, is sufficient to describe who I am. And a good thing, for I am always straining to become someone else. Aren’t we all?

Mr. Joe Blow acts inappropriately. Those who know and love him shrug. “Oh, well–that’s just Joe being Joe.”

Sometimes we self-fulfill expectations by cutting extra slack for friends with failings. But my dear deceased friend Karen had a better head on her shoulders. When alcohol consumption had a negative impact on her musicales, she laid down the law: No More Booze. And she made it stick. And it was for the better.

We are not stuck with who we are. Not only might we reinvent ourselves, we might build ourselves. What can I do to make things better? is one of the most important things to ask.

IMG_20160421_081309

Wiggle in the eyedropper, euglena
Wait until ready for the multicell arena

Howl unto the moon–to madness cater
Have your way outlandishly, O Satyr

OR: lustrously become a nurse
Of this wounded Universe

Image

Here is a real Old-School Acrostic for My Kind of Gal:

D is for Delight–it’s what you swim in
E of course is Elegance–très chic
N: you are the Niftiest of women
I is your Identity unique
S is for your Sweetness: you enrapture
E is for your Eloquence divine

–That’s D E N I S E whom mere words cannot capture;
Would that you, O Birthday Girl, were mine!

Love,
Gary