You want Justice in the courtroom? Good luck with that. Usually Justice–or Injustice that does you-the-client more good than Justice would–comes at a price few can afford.

But in the world of make-believe, of For Entertainment Value Only, justice is well served by these two gents. They almost always get the REAL bad guy, or bad gal, to confess in time for the cute wrap-up.

Several of the people I grew up with are lawyers now. One of them went off the rails, costing him his marriage and his health. No further details forthcome; he might sue me.

I know a man who’s argued before the Supreme Court in the mostly-vain hope of keeping his death-row clients from being executed. He does this in spite of the fact that his own father was murdered. (Talk about principles being acid-tested!)

I know a woman who gave up practicing corporate law for the sake of defending the downtrodden. That decision has probably cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars so far, and she’s got at least ten years of career left, if she’s “lucky.” Crazy world, ain’t it?

I also know a fellow art student who went to law school and DID take the corporate track; his estate-planning practice probably nets him more income than any ten of his fellow art classmates, including me. Crazy world, ain’t it? (But he worked, and works, harder than any ten of his fellow art classmates–EXcluding me, this time.)

Here are the Perry Mason acrostic words:

Prosecutors? Smoke ’em if ya got ’em
Exhibit G comes thanks to Paul & Della
Relevance is tested with objections
Recall the witness who’s a real Bozo
You think he’ll walk? Wake up & smell the ōzōn

The Ben Matlock:

Bumpkin in the courtroom
Bet he can’t be beat
Exhibit G creased Tyler’s skull
Entered breaking never dull
Evil mistress, crooked Doc
New NOT GUILTYs are in stock