i sit in my underwear and planetary society t-shirt/waiting for my heart to stop signaling/that something is going on in there

this is nothing new/when my brother was still alive more than six years ago/i felt something like this/and reported the feeling in a facebook post/and my classmate jeff/said get to e r that’s the widowmaker/i felt that when i had my heart attack

and my poet friend julie/said where are you i will drive you to the hospital

and so i called brian my brother now deceased/and he drove me to the e r/and they fast-tracked me into a little room/iv’d me up/got an ecg going

and not much later i was on my way home ecg reading normal bp ok cardiologist recommending a ct with contrast and wrote a script and an appointment was made

insurance would not approve that/instead greenlit a nuclear stress test/with result ‘normal’ because heart perfusion ‘normal range’

so in the several times/in the intervening years/i have like now just sat quietly and waited/for the signals to fade to quiet

and now the room is getting dark and no more heartjolting/and it’s first friday and a lot of stuff is going on/and i have missed the poetry event in tempe/missed the shabbat with my friend nadia and her family/but I can still catch the tail end of my sculptor and teacher friend sue’s solo show opening

time to put my pants on

life is fleeting precious and wonderful