1

mister chairman/jerking off is not a crime/but since you ask/yes/repeatedly

much less so in recent years though/i mean look around/it is downright apocalyptic

but yes/in the last 46 years/5000 times is a conservative estimate/nowhere near the record/but indicative of either compulsion or unrequited love

may i be excused?

what? could you repeat the question?

to the best of my recollection/four days ago/in the restroom of the urologist’s office/to obtain a sample/to test sperm motility

may i NOW be excused??

thank you.

[headline of ny post: FORMER AG COMES CLEAN]

2

“he annoys me. destroy him. go all the way back to his childhood. there is a fact that will lead to many facts that will lead to his downfall. get it and get it by midnight.”

“already done, boss. sworn affidavits, photos, audio.”

[file is opened and perused]

“oh, man. great stuff. can’t wait to use it on that greek bastard. who did this excellent work?”

“an algorithm, sir. calls itself a. i. buddie.”

“give the coders a bonus.”

[awkward pause]

“boss, the coder was also an algorithm.”

3

trim your eyebrows lose that paunch/make a splash sartorial/gussie up for they’ll soon launch/your not-quite-dead memorial.

even thoughts expressed online/make you someone’s foe/this our culture’s in decline/as down the drain we go.