Archive

Tag Archives: problem solving

there’s a snag or two

the toescape reveals unsmoothness

that may plague the sockwearer

curl his toes though he might

he is too old and fat

and his nails too impervious to clipping

to attempt trimming

when his out-the-door drop-dead deadline

is six minutes

so he bunches his sock down its shank

so his bunched toes touch sock-end

and he carefully unbunches sock up foot then leg

..

one snag or two avoided

and as he drives to work

he strategizes his imagined

conversation with his boss

who abhors criticism

yet behaves it a way that costs the company money

and her the respect of her subordinates

it will be a tricky navigation

akin to having a foot with eight toes

of which three toenails are jagged

and socks of a fabric a cousin to burlap

..

he smiles

and wraps his bunched eight toes

in silk handkerchiefing

pulls carefully

and coos at his unsnaggy strategy-sock

it will be smooth as well-whipped cake frosting

on a piece of cake

scooters, skateboards, cardboard-signers,

motorized devices,

would have had sidewalk designers

smoking herbs and spices.

mere pedestrians are weaving

here and there whilst cringing

trick bikes bounce and disbelieving

walkers risk unhinging.

let’s make future sidewalks wider.

two lanes? now we’re talking.

stiff fines for the non-abider:

SLOW LANE — NO NON-WALKING.

in less than two hours the doc will slice my hand and wrist

so clean sheets go on the bed NOW

and as always the fitted sheet tries to not live up to its name

making its mischief first by pretending to be Portrait when it is Landscape

then by spontaneously shrinking three millimeters so that tug mightily as you will the corners never quite line up

not without wrestling and tugging and mattress-lifting and knee-balancing and cursing

but there is some comfort with these machinations in having remembered to perform this uncomfortable task pre-op

and not with fresh incisions

Image

The page begins with the Quadratic Formula, which, in my younger and more phony-baloney days, I tried to impress my then-girlfriend, next-wife, the former Joni Froehling, by deriving, via the “completing the square” trick and other manipulation. She is no longer married to me, and who can blame her?

A masterful Valley of the Sun poet, Jed Allen, gave me a copy of his awe-inspiring chapbook THE FEAR OF ALGEBRA in appreciation of my reading of his poem “Zero Yard” at the Caffeine Corridor poetry event more than a year ago. Ever since, I have wanted to return the favor, and with this page I hope I have.

The words to the acrostic:

Attitude adjustments sometimes end up on a slab
Lose a Johnny Weismuller–or was it Buster Crabbe
Gain a Tarzan wannabe–a grey-stoked stufféd shirt
Err if you must on Caution’s side: man’s slaughter, shy of Murder
But in the diagram above as x is offed by a
Really not the culprit, who will always get away
Alias: The Solver, of manipulative manna
& a wealth of victims whose mystique is drowned in channel

The theme and meaning of the poem and its related ancillary material are left as an exercise for the student. Ironic hint: spelling out a solution murders Mystery. [enigmatic smile; fade to black]