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2019 1004 freeze

Here is a terrible pun on “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow,” and also an implied bad pun in that the way Santa Claus gets out of his fix is via the T’ao–literally a Way out. The bad guy is an hommage to Snidely Whiplash, endangerer of Nell and wannabe nemesis of Dudley Do-Right of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

FREEZE a Jolly Gooood Fellow

Frost Bites! and Santa’s got a tricky Standoff
Rock-hard, Jinxed, rigor-mortissed, stone as Shale
Elves cannot help, nor lotion, nor felafel
EXISTlessness would make Ms. Santa wail
Zen-tangled, he’ll evoke a thawing T’ao
Ew, Snidely–dastardly’s no Cat’s Meow

2019 1004 freeze tao

Previous Inktober pages of mine have involved a List approach: I thought of different ways to “solve” the prompt, i.e. different Rings, Mindlessnesses, and Bait. The Bait page had more coherence because the image sort of tied them together metaphorically.

This time I wanted one image to focus on. The prompt is Freeze. What would suit, and really demonstrate Freezing, and tell a story…Then an awful pun occurred to me. Instead of “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow,” FREEZE a Jolly Good Fellow. And who is the jolliest of the Jolly Good Fellows? Santa Claus, that’s who. And who would be evil enough to freeze Jolly Saint Nick? That quintessential Cartoon Bad Guy, SNIDELY WHIPLASH, wannabe nemesis of Dudley Do-Right of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. (I hope the owners of the cartoon regard this page as hommage and not copyright infringement!)

How am I going to get Santa out of this terrible fix, AND produce a coherent Quadruple Acrostic with a consistent rhyme and meter? Well, Santa is Magic. And he travels the world, so he’s worldly. So Zen and the Tao to the rescue–what cynical critics of “Deus ex Machina” solutions to science-fiction cliffhangers once called a “pocket frammistan.” SOMEHOW Santa finds a way, and indeed, the Tao is The Way. (Another bad pun. Someday I’ll get jail time.)

FREEZE a Jolly Gooood Fellow

Frost Bites! and Santa’s got a tricky Standoff
Rock-hard, Jinxed, rigor-mortissed, stone as Shale
Elves cannot help, nor lotion, nor felafel
EXISTlessness would make Miz Santa wail
Zen-tangled, he’ll evoke a thawing Tao
Ew, Snidely–dastardly’s no cat’s meow

whoa be tide
when the frictional coefficient of the atmosphere
efficiently stops rotation

but no worries
we’ll be crispy critters long before that
when the sun gets its red-giant midriff bulge

erstwhile beyond jupiter
our whiplashed space probe sent us saturn’s hexagonal miracle
giving us a ringside seat

now we claim
residency on and of a comet
maybe interstellar isn’t all that farly fetched

*****

Notes:

The title derives from rearrangement of “Snidely Whiplash,” archenemy of Dudley Do-Right of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and “Timely Tidings.” Yesterday’s poetry prompt invited use of either “timely” or “timeless.”

The atmosphere is indeed slowing down Earth’s rotation, and the sun will indeed bulge during its transition to red-giantism, eventually achieving a radius in excess of the orbit of Earth. I owe my knowledge of these two things to having read Larry Niven’s A WORLD OUT OF TIME some thirty-odd years ago.

The trajectories of space probes often use planet gravity for a “slingshot” effect, which I trust is relatable to “whiplash.” I owe my knowledge of this to having read Arthur Clarke’s 2001: A Space Odyssey some forty-odd years ago.

On Saturn, storm activity unimpeded by landscape has resulted in a perfect hexagon at at least one of its poles. Spectacular photography is available courtesy of the Cassini probe.

We, the citizens of planet Earth, have just landed on Comet Rosetta. Read all about it here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/…/the-rosetta-comet…/ Meanwhile, the movie INTERSTELLAR is playing at local theaters.