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“Whence Came We? What Are We? Whither Go We?” –Title to one of Paul Gauguin’s most mysterious paintings

about four thousand days ago

plus or minus an order of magnitude or two

there was a great local flood

and people have remembered it in myths

because myths inspire and drive us

(just ask tolkien or campbell)

..

meanwhile it is with great sadness that we note

that just this week raw tragedy occurred

two deaths

a father and mother done in by a berserker son

and all kinds of wounds are fresh

in millions of souls

wounds inflicted by the stark wrongness

of loving parents slain

by a son who would not be helped

..

surely new myths are already being wrought

because we like stories

and what a story premise we have here

but the problem with myths

is that they act as baffles to understanding

they act to mislead us from wisdom

..

now it is especially important

for us to discard our love for a juicy narrative

and try to arrive at understanding of this nihilistic act

and with that understanding

however minuscule

arrive at a means of coping

..

gilgamesh of legend

survivor of the flood

is gone

if he ever was here

and make-believe is good for some things

horrendous for others

after my father died infarctively in 1983/I resolved to strengthen my own heart/and starting july 4th of that year/ran a distance of at least one mile/at a pace at least as fast as under nine minutes per mile/every single day rain or shine healthy or sick

managing a streak of four hundred and twenty consecutive days/and in the summer of 1984/trained for and finished my first marathon

to keep myself running on a given day/i developed mental games and tricks/to subdivide and conquer a given goal distance

one game was called “candy man” and the simple rule was to pay myself a nickel for every telephone pole i ran past/and when the run was over spend up to that amount of money/on candy and snacks/at one of the many convenience stores operating under the name “circle k”

at that time I could eat all the candy I wanted and not gain weight/because i had a ravenous metabolic furnace

another mental trick was to turn myself into a rider of the rohirrim in the tolkien mythos

a messenger delivering urgent tidings to a safe haven called “wombwater”

and having delivered the message and bathed in the healing waters of a celestial womb i would turn back and head for home/running till there was a mile to go/then clopping on my non-hooves the rest of the way for cooldown

and since my run started at 19th avenue and indian school road/and wombwater was the frontage road just south of orangewood and also on 19th ave/my run became a walk at bethany home road/for a net running distance of four miles

and at that time four miles was optimal for my training

.

as a man in his seventies my mind turns now and then to mortality

and paul simon singing “it’s all gonna fade”

but i yearn for a reality in which i exit galloping/to reach once more the healing haven of wombwater

and be restored

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Tempting as it is to designate ER as “Emergency Room” and AI as “Artificial Intelligence,” for this acrostic they are the actual words “er” and “ai,” both interjectory “words to express.” “Er” expresses hesitation, and may be found in any number of the 60s-era DC Superman comics, when Clark Kent says something like, “Er, Lois, I think I left something at my desk. Go on without me.” “Ai” expresses sorrow or fear, and is used by Tolkien at the Bridge of Khazad-dûm when Legolas says, “Ai! a Balrog!”

I have a friend who had a breakup/make-up cycle so persistent he would say things like, “So anyway, after the final final FINAL breakup, there we were…” poor him and poor her.

This is a page about breaking up. Hesitation, then sorrow, then resolution: Never again. Here are its words:

Note the couple lost at sea

Even lost their Golly G

Venom laces all the tea

Ektachrome records ennui

Roaring surf could be so mean/Raging like the winds that keen