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001

One of the proofs of the Pythagorean Theorem in our high school geometry book was the single word BEHOLD! and three checkerboard-patterned rectangles forming a right triangle in the negative space they created. One checkerboard was a 3×3, one a 4×4, and one a 5×5; and, indeed, 9 plus 16 equals 25.

To prove the non-existence of Doodle Logic is impossible. No matter how random the doodle is, the doodler brings SOMETHING to the table, if the doodler is a human being. Any computer program will necessarily have code that imposes rules.

Perhaps our local Universe is the ultimate doodle.

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A few days ago I read a heartbreaking article in Reader’s Digest about Jude Deveraux, best-selling novelist, being taken for approximately $17 million by a predatory monster who claimed to be a psychic. Years before, I’d seen an infomercial for Dionne Warwick’s “Psychic Friends,” and noticed the disclaimer at the bottom For Entertainment Purposes Only or somesuch.

Now, I don’t call myself an atheist or an agnostic, but my tendency is heavily toward skepticism; even so, I LITERALLY don’t know what to believe. I ardently hope there is more to the Universe than random purposelessness. Being a sentient being with a mind and what amounts to free will, I am free to decide what makes sense, and what my own reason for living is–subject to change, of course. Consequently, I will find myself at night looking at the inside of my closed eyelids and seeking answers from beyond my insignificant self. I’m sure almost all of us have asked: What’s my next move? How do I handle THIS major issue? And one overwhelming question, which comes in many forms: What’s wrong with this picture, and what needs to happen to make it unwrong?

When we ask these questions, and dream on them, and hope for an answer to come to us in the form of a thought popping into our heads unbidden, or other sign from outside ourselves, we are being our own psychics. I am positive that Jude Deveraux would have been much the much better off if she had been her own psychic. The trouble was, she was insecure; she didn’t trust that she’d come up with good answers on her own.

So now, let’s walk through it: If we’re going to be our own psychics, how are we going to be the best psychics we can be? Here’s what I’ve come up with, but I am 100% sure that you who read will come up with something that suits YOU, and YOUR circumstances, better.

1. Learn what you REALLY want out of life. Do you really want to be a millionaire? Do you want to be suspicious of someone you don’t know wanting to be your friend? Do you want constant demands on your time and your money by people who think they know better than you do what to do with your time and your money? (By the way, your time is of equal or greater value than your money; I’ll try not to waste yours here.)

2. Formulate five questions you’d like God, or Nature, or the Cosmos, or Whoever, to answer. Here are mine:

What is the best use of my time, today, this week, this month, and this year?
Who in the world do I most need to learn from?
What do I not know that I need to know?
How much lifetime do I have left?
What is making my life more tragic, what makes it more joyful, and what can I do about this?

These are kind of fudgy questions in that there are subquestions in some of them. But my important question list is subject to change, especially if I learn something new (and I’m bound to) or my circumstances change. The thing is to keep asking these questions, and keep looking for the answers both actively (“Time to go to the gym and put another brick in the Life Extension Wall”) and passively. (“Hey, look at that! There’s my answer right there!”)

3. Beware the easy answer. It is tempting to, seeing a rainbow, infer that God or the Universe is trying to tell you something. But a rainbow is merely the organization of visible light at certain frequencies via its refraction in a myriad of water droplets. You can have a rainbow any time you want one if you have a sunny day and a garden hose; just use your thumb and turn until the angle is right. But if you get a burning bush, or gigantic text carved out of a mountain before your very eyes, I’d pay attention–BUT I’D STILL QUESTION THE MESSAGE. Try the answers you get out on your intuition, and do your best not to inject your own wishful thinking.

4. Live for more than yourself. When you do that, your psychic connection has more than you to answer to, and will consequently give you (and yours) a clearer picture.

Essay/Lecture over. That’ll be Zero Dollars and Zero Cents please. [smiles]

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I don’t know what to say about this page except to describe it and tell a little of my choices.

At the top of the page are three panels labeled You, Knee and Verse. Interactive state-of-the-art does not permit me to insert an image of a given individual reader. If it did, the left panel would hold an image of YOU, the person who is reading these words. It would be the same image you would see if you dressed up and made up as you pleased and then posed in front of a full-length mirror. (Any reader who wants to please me no end is invited to fill the left panel with such an image and send the jpg of the revised page to onewithclay@hotmail.com. Really!)

The middle panel is this artist’s conception of a knee, with ancillary leg and an arrow pointing to the knee to be specific. I did not draw from a photo source, so it’s not too anatomically accurate.

The right panel contains a verse, a specific verse written by Robert Louis Stevenson and apparently intended for his epitaph. So after “This be the verse you grave for me” I made the rest of the verse epitaphesque, but it tickled me to isolate and emphasize “HOME” so the three Homes lined up. (Some readers may think it’s “home from the sea,” but I have it on good authority that “home from sea” is correct.)

My triple acrostic beneath reads:

Y’all think you can deny the Grave
Or call in MARKERS for a favor
UR-LIFE demands we pay our dues
UNoffers we cannot refuse

Fans of THE GODFATHER franchise will recognize the riff on “an offer he cannot refuse.” As for UR-LIFE, the prefix Ur means Primitive or Original.

At the bottom I’ve quoted another poet, this time Bob Dylan, from “Chimes of Freedom,” one of my favorite songs of his. “Tolling for the aching ones whose wounds cannot be nursed/For the countless confused, accused, misused, strung-out ones an’ worse/An’ for every hung-up person in the whole wide universe/An’ we gazed upon the Chimes of Freedom flashing.”

The last thing I did was sign and date it. I took a little more care with my signature, mainly because I thought I’d done so well with the G of “Glad did I live…” It’s similar to the way George Washington made his Gs.

Any questions?