Archive

Tag Archives: wordplay

In 1963 or thereabouts our Art teacher gave us the task of drawing a word so that if you didn’t know English you would know what the word meant. So kids turned in tall TALLs, fuzzy FUZZYs, and so forth.

I remember not wanting to do one that anybody else did, and running out of time to execute my drawing while I was still conceptualizing it. I’m hoping to exorcise the feeling of failure I still have over that by doing–this.

self-demons-t-rating-phrase

PS: There is such a thing as a T Rating. Quoth http://www.engineeringtoolbox.com: “The T Rating is expressed in hours and the number indicates the length of time that the temperature on the non-fire side of the penetration does not exceed 325 oF (163 oC) above the ambient temperature. This ensures that the temperature on the side of the wall away from the flame does not reach the flash point of any materials on that side of the wall.” Live and loin, as the butcher from Brooklyn might say.

spoilsport 062916

I hope I haven’t spoiled the sport of the man who’s holding the fish. I would be hypocritical to denounce fishing. I’ve enjoyed fishing myself, though it’s been years. But thoughts occur, and with them seeds for more, such as the many ways Spoilsport might be interpreted. Spoils sport: To the victor go the spoils. Spoil sport: a mutant fish’s putrefaction. I the Spoilsport, tainting a happy moment by taking sides with the fish. The fish the spoilsport, not going along with Survival of the Fittest. The fisherman the spoilsport, ending a creature’s life on a whim. Th’ gods the spoilsports, creating such somebody’s-gotta-lose-here situations.

spoilsport

snag yourself a smallmouth Bass
place its fate within your grasp
oleo a pan with goo
in the cove with boat at moor
LIKE & tweet bon appetit

It’s easy to draw a post. Then put a word balloon that says “Huh?”with it, and it’s more of a clue that it’s a post, as in Deaf As A… Do that on an Index Card, and behold, you have a Post Card.

Or draw a poser on it–Posed Card. Or a lady taking off her dress (ooh!) and putting on another one–Change Of A Dress card.

Open window with breeze wafting in–Draft Card. Storefront–Business Card. One-watt light bulb–guess!

Nope, that ain’t it. But nice try.

Watt: A Card! And what a Dimbulb I am to go on and on about this. I’m getting a racing heartbeat from all the Tacky-Card-ia.

Here’s the Real Deal, my friends:

greeting card 061615

002

Equilibrium-seeking is in our DNA, and also in the admonitions of those grade-school teachers who told us to Sit Up Straight. We don’t have an opposite of the word dizzy, do we? And, misogynites that we are, we never refer to a dizzy dude, although “he’s a half bubble off level” is some places’ parlance for “he’s crazy.”

So I came to Kilter today. I doodled some rounded-sided triangles, which seem to me to be benign, friendly, balanced shapes. But I played them off each other and cut holes in them to see if they would jangle. They still seem pleasant, if a bit spicy.

Keep upright
In balance
Lose teeter

Wanting simplicity, I wrote the acrostic with a minimum of words. I didn’t plan “planet;” it just popped out. Irony was introduced via the upside-down signature/date, and by tilting the sketchpad on the scanner. It’s fun, but is it Art? Tell me, please…

001

Suppose you sustain a groin injury. Suggestion: STOP Sustaining it. Overrule it! Get in a tub full of hot water saturated with bubble bath powder. Talk your head off about your unreasonable dreams. Soak–and sure as Annie Oakley’s aim, Happiness will visit you. But That’s Not All! SOPH of One Tree Hill will magically arrive–then URSA from Superman II–then a package specified DROP SHIP, direct from the manufacturer–and finally, Bigfoot the YETI herself! (What–you thought she was a he?!) Four words properly aligned thus yield five words, 60% of which refer to beautiful females. For indeed, Ms. Yeti is beautiful. Prepare to die if you tell her she isn’t.

002

Here is a page that has been unfinished, hanging fire, for more than half a year. I would look at it over and over again and despair that it would forever be unfinished. It needed more pop–“Pop” Cornwall and POPcorn Wall were not enough. Finally today, October 20, 2014, rolled around. Today is what would have been my father’s 81st Birthday, were he still among us. At last–more Pop! (I never called him “Pop,” though. It was always “Dad” or “My Old Man.” And if you ever want a good cry, go to YouTube and find John Prine, or even better, the original songwriter Steve Goodman, singing “My Old Man.” I’m going to do it right after I post this.)

Shawn L. Bird is a poet, a novelist, and an educator. Here is my artist’s conception of her, but I do not do her justice, and I hope you visit her site to find that that is true.

001

Recently Shawn posted an “Unfinished Canadian Joke” about a beaver crossing the road, thus:

On the side of the highway:

a body of thick fur and flat leathery tail.

Why did the beaver cross the road?

I guess we’ll never know.

I commented, thus:

Because with Beavers it’s one dam thing after another.

She replied, thus:

You should lodge a complaint.

And from then on it went like this:

Gary: I tried, but my tail fell flat.
Shawn: Keep gnawing at it, and I’m sure it’ll work out.
Gary: Is that incisor information?
Shawn: Dam right! Stick to it!
Gary: Would that I could, but I can’t afford to be chewsy. [sad face]
Shawn: Yes, you have to beavery careful…
Gary: I’ll bite–why?
Shawn: It wood be quite a tail to explain.
Gary: That’s fine, as long as it’s not pulp fiction and I can sink my teeth into it.
Shawn: O no, it’s tree-mendous.
Gary: Ah, sweet Miss Tree of Life. No wonder you’re so poplar. And why aren’t I? Elmentary, my dear Watson…
Shawn: Well now we’re branching out, aren’t we?
Gary: I beleaf so.
Shawn: I willow you for this!
Gary: Weep not, O Poet. I know payback’s a beech.

Shawn, in her e-mail kindly granting permission to make a post of this, says, “I’m still pondering my rebuttal! You may have won the pun-off! [winky face]”  But rebuttal or no, she is the winner: She inspired, she generously gave of her time and wit, and she gave as good or better than she got. She proves that the much-maligned Pun has layers of value, as a vehicle for playfulness, as a way of geometrically expanding reality, and as an engagement of mind that helps stave off mind-loss. Life handled lightly from time to time is more enjoyable, and this is one way to enjoy it. Thank you, Shawn!

detha of a manstunt

you’re gonna need an instand for this scene, rocko
use a dubstuntle a manstunt
for you can bet dollnuts to doughers
they’ll celcan your sureinance if you don’t

so it wasn’t the torac who strolled in on the sircoroc
it was the manstunt
looking so holepess on the hizoron

he squidten at his eniesem
they all drew at enoc
and so flew the hobbirel ahil of etbulls

migr and demintered the manstunt carlwed down the mian lien
beedling presoufely
and with his dygin bareth
stodo adn stublemd pats the twon litims

the stuntman died in the shadow of the sign
a triumphant smile on his face
for he’d run the gauntlet of confusion
and would go to his reward ungarbled

“WECLOME TO ANAGRAM” said the sign
“ETS. 8281”

halving an oft day

i cot myself sheafing this mourning,
and then i tied trying my choose.
the popcorn yinyanged, its tao corning
as greensward gave berth to the blues.

went driveling oft to my woofplace
and clogged in presizedly at seven.
the cubic hold tolled off a jerkface
and bread had more film at a leaven.

then lungetime, and thyme to crees forehead,
the voice in my forehood felt faint.
it spoked of a spooklier warsaid,
and saintlier aintlier daint.

three churros for dayend dessertion
and laycheck in latent elation.
the clogout was functory whirr shun
width dogfood dude ken l. oration.

then holm and its dinned dear and moo vee
then biddybye with a comped banyan.
comp won and comped awl, slipping tubey,
an oft day not halved baaed to spannion.

Image

Many art supply stores have wooden pose-able models in sizes from keychain to full scale. The one double-track-drawn here is about four inches high. I took approximately the same liberties with flexure and expression as Gene Colan did with his renderings of Iron Man, lo these several decades past.

(About seven years ago I sent “Genial Gene” a gushing fan e-mail, praising his storytelling illustration, and he quickly and nicely answered in true gentleman fashion. Just found out three minutes ago that he died in 2011. Alas! Here’s a link for the curious: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gene_Colan )

Anyway, it occurred to me that these anonymous mannequinesques would make good chess pawns, and I’ve been into grids lately, so…

Here are the words, for the third time, sort of:

Participants should come a’board’–we’ll start ASAP
And then ‘square’ off in reenacted war or game or deal
Whine, loose or drawl: no ‘stale mate’ allowed, nor bargained plea
Nor b’rook’ing op’position’ via mattress glue–too sealy