Today I got a call from Niagara Falls, New York, honest to goodness, I can prove it. The lady on the line says if I drop whatever I’m doing and draw a portrait of Wyatt Earp, she’ll pay me at least a hundred bucks on the spot, even more if it’s good. I need the money, so I put her on speakerphone and find WE on Wikipedia. Fifteen minutes later I say “OK, done.”

“Young man, may I see it?”

“Sure.” I video-call her. She stays on audio. I hold Wyatt up to my smartphone.

“Well, that’s marvelous. I think you should get a five-dollar bonus.”

And I think my own dark thoughts, but say, “Glad you like it. May I ask WHY?”

“Because it’s HIS  Day!!”

“What?!”

“It’s EARP DAY!”

“No, no, no! It’s EARTH Day. Not Earp Day–wait a minute. Is your name Emily Litella?”

“Why, yes. Thank you, young man, and…nevermind…”

RIP to the immortal and brilliant Gilda Radner, who as Emily Litella cracked me up no end.