shaving techniques of the corrugated-skin american: haibun

complications ensue when an american male’s facial flesh ages and he wishes to be clean-shaven. many hairs that were softly pliable in the springtime of youth have become thicker and tougher in their dotage. they are anchored in skinfold that was once smooth hillside. the hide of the old american’s face must needs be stretched into tympanic tightness for effectual shaving to occur; and the stretch must often be not merely with fingers, but perhaps over sawhorse-planked teeth, compressed cheek-air, or even tongue-poke for that mutant milkweed of a follicle that so stubbornly resists shearing.

over decades, standards of the american facial æsthetic have shifted. in the mid 1980s it became popular to always look as if a shave had not occurred for several days. this was due to the star quality of mr. don johnson, one of two male leads in the hit series miami vice. but in 2020s america foliagiality is more complex. baseball pitchers, once facially bald as eggs, may now be found with anything from pencil moustaches to old-testament-patriarchy on their young faces.

an old man has just realized that he is able to shave with the grain of his beardstubble and still look as if he recently shaved. today he has done this for the second day in a row, and confirmed that this technique reduces nicks and cuts to zero.

in times uncertain

let us draw the act-ending curtain

on self-harm.