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Tag Archives: romance

for the sauce for your next romance remember/longing is like cayenne pepper/a pinch is essential/but more than that is probably too much

put some sunset in there/and for reheating/hope for sunrise

ease and comfort are your béchamel

as for kisses/season to taste

i knew a woman/but hardly at all

on a beach near the border/(all beaches are near the border)/she came walking out of the setting sun/and asked me if I had a cigarette

when i said “Sorry, I don’t smoke.” she said “Good.” and i felt as if i had passed a test

her direct and honest eyes looked deeply into mine/and shyness brought me the impulse to flinch/but regardless of whether this was another test or not/the best thing to do was relax/exhale/look right at her/and see what happened

what happened: i saw her/she sought amusement without mockery/adventure with purpose/as did i

and alas i also saw she was married/though she wore no ring

and seeing my dismay she broke our gaze

and softly she said, “Young man, your time will come.” and she turned/and walked back into the sun

thirty-nine years later, i wonder…

did it?

will it?

boy meets girl is obsolete/two entwined’s still incomplete/souls a-melding might encompass/permutative joins and rumpus

dovetail joints can be most durable/furniture and loves referrable/metronomic • syncopated/relatively cross-related

just don’t be a gropy mutt/creeply inappropriate/mindfulness of situations/leads to gleeful destinations

patience pays and may well deal you/into hands of kindly milieu/don’t forget to breathe and grin/if the fun and games begin

share a gaze and up the voltage/help reduce the feather’s moltage/loneliness evaporates/doves entail the coo of mates

[Friends, this is written in haste and may or may not be edited at leisure. Blog Post #2000, scores of posts hence, now has an ETA of December 2, 2022. These last 199 posts should see the conclusion on the n.e.s. series, the Rubáiyát in its entirety, and a dozen reworkings of the best of my drawings in acrylic paint form. Of course “L’homme propose mais Dieu dispose,” but also “Shoot for the moon, and if you miss, you still end up in the stars.” Meanwhile, this State of the Heart message, which I hope to obsolesce…]

to kiss and not to tell. ° “And the girls you offer champagne say Yes, ° And the girls you love say No, ° And your salary isn’t what it was, ° And you feel like the poet Poe.” ° Ogden Nash, “Elegy in a City Shambles” ° most people i know have been kissed ° at least a thousand times ° (less so lately due to pandemickal conditions) ° ° as for me i’m not telling ° but inferences may be drawn from this discussion ° ° the zap factor of some kisses is huge ° and blessed be those pairs who zap over decades ° for they are the fewly unusual zesters ° ° and woe and sympathy to those unwilling loners ° who receive and bestow kisses perfunctorily ° and scavenge memory lane for reminders ° that zappage has happened and might happen again ° ° modern suitors are often like…uh… ° auditioning actors ° who have much to offer but not ° in the eyes of the casting director ° who knows what she wants ° and sees what she doesn’t ° and is quick to thank ° and offer the faintest shred pf hope ° but even quicker to° upper-handedly call “Next!” ° ° the world is not alloronothing ° and scraps may be had while a feast is prepared ° but those kisses ° those electric kisses ° are the sirens of modern love ° and Romance ° is also defined ° as “falsehood” ° ° it is good to love ° but to love and not be loved back ° is an agonizing challenge ° ° hey though ° relax ° have a walk and a read and a workout ° use each day as a step toward true love ° and affirm and expect ° ° and you will be zapped ° and be eager to tell ° but it is more delicious o lover ° to kiss and not to tell

here he is again / mister clumsybutt meanswell the romance puppy / and as usual he has made his entrance / right between really interested and fullblown smitten

on the plus side he is playful and joyous / and it’s fun to watch him caper about / and the longing look in his big eyes / which are exactly the color of mine / gives him sleeves to put his heart on

on the minus side he IS clumsy / and often unheeding of signals / and way too overeager / and he tends to chew on the shoes of a comfort zone / and crap on the carpet of possibility

mister meanswell has that look in his eyes again / and his friskiness is unbecoming to a man of mature years / and his pathetic speedfreak little tail is going blur-crazy

calm down pooch / you are going to get me in trouble

2019 0914 moonbeam embracerA special friend of mine seems to live by the Moon. At any given moment she knows its phase, and whether it is on the wax or on the wane. She inspired the card on the left.

A special friend of mine seems to draw energy from felines. She encourages them to congregate near her, and invests them with lavishments of love and exotic dining. She inspired the scrap on the right.

A special friend of mine fades out of view, then in. She seems to appear when I need a boost, then evaporate when I am on the up and up. I have sought and found her now and then, but hesitantly: I am afraid too much of a touch would attenuate the magic.

Words are left out of “moonbeam embracer,” yet the words displayed make sense of their own. I will show with ciphers how the missing words are placed, but revealing them would be too much of a touch. Also, there are many “solutions” to this “puzzle.” For you “solvers” out there, the poem is in trochaic tetrameter.

moonbeam embracer

maiden, 000 00000 000000 extreme
o how photons 00000 000 teem
omnipresent 00000 orb
never 000000 0 metaphor
beckon 000000 00 rca
endochronic 000 archaic
ah, 0000 000000000 guinevere
maiden, 00000000 00 000 sheer

 

Three Novembers ago I participated in National Novel Writing Month. I succeeded in that my word count exceeded 50,000 and my story had a beginning, a middle, and an end or two; but it was a horrible, disorganized mess with “unpublishable” written all over it. Still, I’m glad I went through all that.

Here is Chapter 29 of Auld Lang Synapse, unedited.

****

Chapter 29: The strange, continuing tale of Calvin and Iliana

Calvin reworked the faces and forms of his figure study to remove the resemblance to Iliana. Then he photographed the result and e-mailed a gallery, got funding for foundrification, employed the lost wax technique to turn it to bronze, and had it cast. It had never occurred to Cyril and Iliana that he would do this, and they hmmmmmed—but Cyril bought one of the castings through a dummy anyway. To Cyril’s (rare) astonishment, this infuriated Iliana, and she left Cyril Kowznofski for good, taking a substantial quantum of the smartest of the smart dust with her.

Exceeding her allotment of doorstep-drama scenarios by at least six, Iliana rang Calvin’s doorbell yet again.

This time he didn’t come to the door. He used the intercom instead: “You’re torturing me, Eely. Kindly get lost.”

“I’ve left Cyril for good.”

“So?”

“I want to be with you. I REALLY want to be with you. I miss you so much!”

“Are you going to suddenly become monogamous, Eel? You can’t. You won’t.”

“Maybe things will be different with the dust. I have some. I want to try it with you.”

Long silence. Calvin’s muscles were bunched, the bite-muscles most of all. Iliana waited on the darkening porch, weeping softly.

The lock clicked. “I’m in the studio. Please lock the door behind you.”

Iliana did, and turned lights on in the night-dark house as she went through it. She was surprised to see a dish in the sink and a rag on the floor of the kitchen—outside his studio Cal was fastidiously clean. She was gratified when a quick peek into the bedroom revealed no circumstantial evidence of recent effbuddy visitation. After a moment’s reflection, she decided to bring the dust and its support apparatus to the studio, rather than leave it in the bedroom where it would most likely be used.

In the studio, Cal was making either tall vases or bird-bodies. –No, it was birds: one leather-hard flamingo lay on its side on one of the tables.

“Hi.”

Furrowbrowed “Hey.” Cal squeezed a water-laden sponge on the rim of the form he was throwing on his wheel, and the inside and outside wall got a little water-skin from it. He pulled the form to another five inches of height, then switched the wheel off and toweled his hands and arms. She saw bleakness in his eyes as he regarded her.

“Iliana, I don’t know what it’s like to use the dust. I never have. I don’t know if I ever want to. Why should I?”

Iliana, simply: “For love, Calvin. For love of the woman who belongs to you.”

Quoting a song, Cal said, “What’s love/But a second hand emotion?” He was a Tina Turner fan, and he could not sing worth beans.

Iliana just looked at him through teardrops.

Eight minutes and thirty-six seconds passed.

“Tell you what—let’s go get something to eat, and talk about it.” So they got in Calvin’s green Green Jeeper and went to Red Devil Pizza. Iliana had red wine there, and Cal a root beer, and they shared a big antipasto salad and an extra-large mushroom/sun-dried tomato/artichoke-hearted pie with extra cheese. The while, Iliana told Cal about some of the more exotic discoveries Kowznofski had made with different formulations of dust, and described what made the batch of dust she’d brought so special.

“This stuff is like a blender with different speeds. You don’t strobe back and forth, you blend. If it’s at 50 percent you, Calvin, will be able to see through both of our eyes, and hear my thoughts and yours at the same time. At 100 percent we’re in each others’ bodies. But at 5 percent you just get a hint of me. This is especially good for people like you, who’ve never dusted before.”

“What’s being with Kowznofski like, Iliana,” Calvin asked, with a bit of self-loathing for having asked.

“I never did it with him. I’ve never done it with a lover, Cal. Not to say that Cyril didn’t want to. You and I will both be virgins to this.”

“Cmon, Iliana. Don’t tell me you never dusted with anyone.”

“Didn’t say I didn’t. I dusted with my chess teammates. For their sake, not mine. I did get a little out of the session with Katsuji, though. He is wily.”

“That’s it?”

“Not quite. I put in some volunteer time at the Hospice, but I was asleep and pain-blocked. I have a video. She got to dance ballroom and flirt. It was chaperoned, and a good thing.”

Calvin Enwright could not but smile. “Well, good for you on that one. No pets? No touch of the strange in those weird ‘petting zoos’?”

“No. I’m TELLING you, Calvin. I didn’t want to be really close with anyone but you.”

They finished what they wanted of the pizza and had the rest boxed up. On the drive back they briefly discussed what the dust did and what they would do with it.

Now they were in Cal’s studio, both facing small dust cannons (not much different than the equipment found in the optometrist’s office that administers the glaucoma “puff test”). They closed their eyes, Iliana flipped the switch, and their faces were puff-dusted.

They opened their eyes and looked at each other. Calvin shrugged. He felt no differ—

He got a hint of double vision, an odd overlap of tactility—

They stood and faced each other. Iliana said “Make something on your wheel” as Calvin mouthed her words—

Calvin told Iliana without words to find some music and dance for him on the platform. He (hint of they) got the wheelhead spinning, moistened it with a corpuscular sponge, and threw a five-pound plug of the Rod’s Bod clay body hard on the center of the wheelhead. Dreamily, Eely began undulating to a breathy Macy Grey song. Cal could feel the pole against her back and the silk of her scarf sliding over her collarbones as she swooped sideways. Looking down, they found that Cal had formed the bowl of a loving cup from the Rod’s Bod.

They shut off the wheel/climbed down from the platform/walked in lockstep to the loungey front room/sprawled onto a couch, one’s knee on one’s outer thigh.

Control of the transfer was mutual or other-directed; they couldn’t tell. Tactility was wild; a hand skimming on an other-bodied flesh sparked gentle lightning. As this happened they wandered through the memory trove of their one larger mind, sharing their first kiss and discovering that they really had been in perfect synchronization of want of it. This took them to desire and the removal of their clothing.

In the bedroom the minds parted for a time; the possession switched rhythmically and faster than a Ping-Pong match; when Iliana felt the wall of her own vagina through the tingling nerves of Calvin’s penis, they both gasped and quickly joined minds again. A guidance of motion that they had never achieved as individuals informed this new lovemaking, but that was mere enhancement to the mind-bliss. Orgiastic good-memory cascades and newfound-hope exploration drove them toward (theythey could tell) the inevitable peak—

The dust timed out. Suddenly they were exclusively in their own bodies and blind to shared thought.

Calvin gripped Iliana’s head and locked eyes with her. “We don’t need the fucking dust, Eely—look at me!!”

She did, and saw him, she saw him truly as she never had before, and felt him as well, and he her, and they weren’t blind any more, and they came just then, in astonishing slow silent motion. One of them wept on behalf of them both.

Side-facing, eyes closed, they wordlessly held each other until they fell asleep.

Miles away, Cyril Kowznofski, who had everything any of his post-Werewolf dust do beam a perceptual transmission of the dusts’ possessors to his sensory-recording studio, cursed himself for a weak-willed –voyeur but did not go so far as to commit the higher crime of invading Cal’s and Iliana’s privacy by viewing their doings. He did mark the datastream Special, and had a speed-dial-esque access code for it, should he weaken further.

****

dance 062315

The Beatles made a lot of great love music–“Here, There and Everywhere,” “I Will,” “Something,” “I Need You,” and “And I Love Her” spring immediately to mind–but this one has a special place in my heart, which shows you what a sentimental sap I can be. So be it!

matters of the cardiac muscle
inspired and influenced by Shawn L. Bird

humans have three kinds of muscle:
smooth,
skeletal,
and cardiac.

special striation
keeps us alive.

we have attributed more
to this squeeze&release
than the scalpel reveals.

it reacts
to our emotions
and our vitality.
it is only natural
that our predecessors
put the “heart”
before the “course”
and gave it our souls.

it is also convenient
for us to reposit
all our emotional chickens
into this pulsemaking
latticed
basket.

when will we grow up?

when will we accurately
reflect reality
with our semisensical
words
and fairy-tale
phrases?

a search of the non-heart
reveals
no answers there.

we cannot but conclude
that we are
all
heart.