A bit shy of 17 years ago I did this portrait of Bill Campana;

Here are the words of the triple-acrostic poem:

BILL CAMP ANA

BLUFF, & stand-up comical, & full of manic Manna

It’s a wonder he’s still local — catch him if you can

Laudably SELF-AMPLIFIED: you WILL hear from this man

Las Vegas at the Palace or perhaps the Tropicana

..

I was 54 then. I am now 71, soon to become 72. Today I did this:

Here are the words of the double-acrostic poem:

FUNNIEST MAN ALIVE

Fastest wit of us & them

Undeterred by raw dilemma

Nifty beard & acid pen

Needs no compass nor antenna

If/Then/Else on even keel

Edgy as a blade of steel — I

Savor his raw P.O.V

Then scorn the morn’s abyss I see

..

Between the two portraits, Mr. Cpana has published about half a dozen books and performed his hilarious poetry about half a thousand times. Long may he astound!

Rendezvous at My Grandfather’s Alma Mater

It is an eight-minute drive to the campus

Of the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor

From the breakfast buffet

At the Holiday Inn Express

Where I and my sweetheart have come

At my whim

To see the campus where my grandfather,

Harold Ross Bowers,

Received his degree,

Master of Science in Pharmacology, in 1928,

Ninety-eight years ago.

..

My grandfather died in Modesto, California,

In what was then called a “mental institution,”

In the early 1960s

During the Kennedy administration,

And the White House sent my family

A certificate of appreciation for his military service

Signed either by JFK himself

Or his signatory ambassador.

..

The one photo I ever saw of my grandfather and me

And my brother Brian

Was probably taken in 1957

Because Brian is in diapers

And I look like I am about three.

In another photo of the batch there are two men,

Literally “the men in the white suits,”

Smiling congenitally for the camera.

And the most touching photo is of him and Dad

His arm around Dad’s shoulder,

He looking rather like an old Woody Guthrie

And Dad like a young Desi Arnaz.

..

Grandfather, I am here,

And I would not exist if not for you.

you learn to your alarm

when you awaken and read the news

that the runners of your country

continue to thieve.

..

the outlets have been so bombarded

with a variety of similar crimes

and new revelations of past, different crimes

that the psychic circuits of the electorate

have been blown.

..

collaboration with a russian oligarchy?

big deal.

abuse and extortion of the underaged?

big deal.

innocent citizens killed by paramilitant thugs?

big deal.

propaganda compelling mistrust of vaccination?

big deal.

gunshot deaths becoming commonplace in schools?

big deal.

undeclared war turning schoolgirls into corpses?

selling schlock to fill executive coffers?

making pharmaceuticals unaffordable?

coveting and then invading oil-rich countries?

insulting and belittling truth-seeking journalists?

befouling the sea and the air?

building concentration camps?

rigging, cheating, killing, lying, destroying?

..

we are numb.

numbness is the worst poison.

To the farmer who sent hominy: O wow, I am so gritful.

To the general who sent the Panzers on consignment: Tanks allot.

To the co-worker who gave me the Tupac CD: OG thanks!

To the crowd of screaming fans who conveyed me around the concert arena: Thanks so mosh!

To the venture capitalist who commissioned a Faberge egg for me: I cannot thank you en oeuf.

To the greengrocer who sent me bananas, radishes, and celery: Thanks bunches.

To the friend who did a week’s worth of my laundry: Thanks loads.

To Millicent Newsome, DDS, who provided my cosplay Dracula false teeth: Fangs à Millie N.

Finally, to the founders of the university of grateful puns and fruit composting:

Thank U (Berrymulch).

Photo courtesy of WordPress Free Photo Library

measures

inches from the finches on your backyard chain link fence

you may wonder if they blunder with their brightness and intents

but they measure with their pleasured procreation and a sense

of fulfillingly and willingly made scenes from yore to thence.

..

in the yard a scarlet cardinal makes wind with swoop and rise

in his belly is a jelly of his hunting enterprise

not a bishop nor the pope but hopes he reaches heaven’s skies

and the symphony and tympani that measure far and wise.

Photo courtesy of WordPress Free Photo Library

instance

each birth has been an instance of emergence

each shut door is an instance of confinement

and your comeback comes with wavelets

of resurgence

and a syzygy’s an instance

of alignment.

..

bake your bread to cause an instant freshness smile

win a race and add accomplishment anew

win a friend and you’ve a teammate

and it boosts your self-esteem, mate

and your cheer-squad reconstruction crew

this while.

.

and that all is well and goodish

but that guy with garment hoodish

waits so patiently with scythe and stopwatch ready

but defy him all you can

and put cessation in the distance

make a shreddy

track and rack up legioned instants.

Photo courtesy of Wiki Commons

ope

ope was shorthand slang for the son

of sheriff andy taylor

in the mythical town of mayberry

on a tv show of the sixties

..

usually people called him opie instead of ope

and usually we say open

instead of ope

but sometimes we are theatrical

..

it would be dopie to continue

but we must cope with preserved structure

and hope for resonance

so we end with a microscope

need an appointment?

new in town? just do a search

and easy peasy.

..

toledo oh aitch:

promedica or mercy health.

flip a coin here, friend.

..

you say “have mercy.”

there is an office nearby.

you call the number.

..

a nice lady spoon-feeds

you through the questionnaire and

hey presto and done…

..

d.o. pcp,

appointment in a week,

link in your e-mail.

..

it took just ten minutes.

a week early but you feel

better already.

My Girlfriend is my shepherd. I shall not want

For guidance. She counseleth me

To take my raiment, food-soiled by my clumsiness,

And soaketh it in the magic blue fluid

Anointed by the cold still waters

Until the stains are annihilated.

She leadeth me in the paths of righteous hygiene

For my self-respect’s sake. She restoreth

My Dr. Scholl’s.

Yea, though I walk through the Valley of Cluelessness,

I shall fear no misstep,

For Thou art with me,

Thy speed-dial and spank-ruler

They come for me.

Surely, For-My-Own-Goodness

And You’re-Not-Going-Out-Dressed-Like-That,

Are-You?? shall follow me

All the days of my life,

And I shall dwell in the house of Watch-Your-Step,

Buster

For ever and ever.

Amen

(Apologies to the author of the 23rd Psalm)